The Final Act
by be my escape1
Summary: New Moon Spoilers This is my take on how Edward approached the Volturi about his situation. The story starts after Edward calls Bella's house and speaks with Jacob
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I of course do not own Twilight or any of the characters in this story. Stephenie Meyer does.**

This is just a story that was floating around in my head so I hope you like it or at least see where it is coming from. It is also the first piece of writing I have done for fun in I don't know how long. Please review.

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The phone went dead again. The funeral, the boy had said Charlie was at the funeral.

Blackness clouded my vision and a pain that I didn't know existed rushed through my body. The concept was so hard to grasp. Death, it had taken her life, the life I had left to protect. No, death had not taken her life it was given her life. How could she, how… how could I? This was my fault. Waves of guilt tore through me. I had chosen to leave her even with the best intentions it was a mistake.

Nothing in the world would ever be right. There was that word again, right. After all my pondering of right and wrong I never thought anything could go this wrong. My Bella was gone. I left to keep her safe for her to have a future and everything had ended. I wanted to destroy something kill someone even if it was wrong, the angry monster growled inside of me. I needed to make the right choice this time. There was only one right thing for me to do for my existence no longer mattered. My contingency plan was now a necessity because I could not live without her. The numbness washed over me making me a shell of what I use to be.

I left the tenement building, dropping my cell phone in a trashcan, so no one could disrupt my plan. So no one could try to console me over a loss so deep there was no resurfacing. I tried not to think about my family. I knew that Esme and Carlisle would be heart broken at the thought of losing me but I no longer had a reason to exist. They would understand in time, Bella made my existence bearable even when I wasn't with her; the knowledge of her was enough. There was always the option of my returning even though that would have broken the promise it gave me some small glimmer of hope. Now there was only darkness and death.

As the plane began to ascend the numbness started to subside. This was dangerous. I tried not to think about what happened to my Bella, what hand I had played in her….. The word was so hard to use I couldn't think that about her not yet. My emotions began to cycle between grief, anger at myself, even anger at her, hatred for my hand in all of this, and utter despair.

I pushed the difficult memories of our goodbye from my mind. I focused on the meadow and all her lovely warm human qualities. But the dark thoughts crept their way in. Flashes of her birthday and my horrible lies to convince her I did not love her. As if that were ever possible. She was my world. The past tense made reality close in around me. I couldn't take the pain and the guilt. I urged the plane to move faster. Soon I would be in Italy and my fate would be decided. The Volturi would grant my request or I would force their hand. My existence would be over. I allowed myself to think about Carlisle for a brief moment he had always believed that by being the way we were it would redeem us in some way. He felt that we could be forgiven. If that were true then I would get to see Bella soon and if not then hopefully the pain would not follow me to the afterlife.

The plane finally touched down in Italy and I quickly located a car to drive myself to Voltera and my destiny. I had to approach the Volturi in a respectful manner I did not want my visit to reflect poorly on my family. I would approach Aro with my request explaining that this existence was something I could no longer take.

Once inside Voltera I parked my borrowed car and headed to the residence of the Volturi. I was greeted by a human receptionist. The warmth of her body and the sound of her beating heart made a wave of emotion crash over me. The pain was becoming unbearable again but soon this would be over. The girl directed me to a set of doors at the end of the hallway. I made my way as quickly as possible to my impending fate.

"Edward Cullen, what a lovely surprise." Aro seemed delighted by my presence. "Is Carlisle coming to Voltera as well?"

"No, I am afraid not Aro. I am alone and here on business more than pleasure."

I looked around the room where several faces I knew stared back at me curiously. I was bombarded by all the thoughts about my business so I decided to clear it up quickly and avoid all the aimless chatter interrupting my mourning. The pain had finally taken me over completely and I needed to end it.

"Aro I have come to ask the assistance of the Volturi. I no longer wish to exist."

A new round of thoughts filled my head. I tried to block them out and focus on Aro.

"Edward I am not sure I understand what you are asking or why?"

"I am asking you to destroy me. I have lost everything that matters to me and I can bare this existence no longer."

"Has something happened to your family that we are unaware of Edward?" Aro's concern showed on his face.

"No sir, my true love, my escape from everything that we are no longer lives and so I wish to no longer exist."

I could hear the thoughts of Felix and Demetri already planning on how they would destroy me. This would be fun for them. Just then Aro interrupted.

"Edward how did this happen? Will you let me see this love of yours?"

I had almost forgotten Aro's powers to hear people's thoughts like me only differently. Aro could read any thought you ever had but he had to be touching you. I stepped towards Aro and placed my hand in his out stretched one.

Within seconds Aro knew every feeling I ever had for Bella, the way her blooded called to me, the way her mind blocked me out and how she was now gone forever. He could also feel every ounce of pain this caused me. Aro released my hand and looked at me for a moment blocking his thoughts from me.

"She was a human," he said in a very puzzled voice.

"Yes"

"Your powers, they did not work on her ever?"

"No"

"But Alice could still "see" her?"

"Yes, that is how I know she is gone. Alice had a vision."

"Her blood it called to you unlike any other and yet you refrained from drinking and even when you had to drink to save her you managed to control yourself and stop."

"Yes" it was a whispered reply as the memories clouded my brain. Her scent, her blush, her lovely laugh all assaulted my thoughts. All were things that I would never see or hear again.

"Edward this is a very unique situation. Not one of us has ever fallen in love with a human that remained human after knowing our secrets. Even though it is quite clear she accepted you for exactly what you are and even knowing that her blood called to you she was still not afraid. This is fascinating really. Your relationship was deeper than any I have ever felt."

Fascinating, my personal tragedy, the death of my one true love was some sort of entertainment for him. A sense of anger started to rise in me but that would not resolve anything. I restated the purpose for my visit.

"Aro, please about my request…."

"Ahh yes, your request. I feel it necessary to discuss this with my brothers. It is a highly unusual request and you are a very talented vampire. Please give me some time. Demetri please show Edward to a guest room. You can wait there until we are done."

"Thank you Aro."

I hoped this deliberation would not take long. No matter what Aro decided it would end tonight. I closed my eyes and saw her face smiling as if there was anything to smile about. You promised Bella, you promised to be safe. The anger had resurfaced again. I was angry at her for feeling she had no other choice but I was furious with myself because I had left. I had made a choice that set into action things that I never thought would happen, things which I could not fix.

I sat there lost in thought about Bella and everything I could have done differently. Maybe I should have stayed away from the very beginning but I was too selfish. I wanted to be near her I needed her warmth in my life.

I am not sure how much time had past while I was pondering all the mistakes I had made, all the things that would haunt me for the remainder of my existence. I found some solace in knowing ti wouldn't be much longer. Just then I could hear Demetri outside the door. Aro had made his decision.

I walked back through the large doors waiting for my fate.

"Edward, I truly understand your reasoning for this request but I feel that out of respect for my dear friend Carlisle I can not do what you ask. However I would like to offer you a place here with us at Voltera. Edward you have such an amazing gift it would be a waste to destroy you."

I knew to some extent that this would be their choice. I was seen as valuable for my abilities but to me there was nothing left to value in this existence. I needed to figure out a plan.

"Aro I do not wish to sound rude but I am of no value to anyone at this time."

"Edward, please consider this. There are plenty of female companions here for you."

"This is not about finding another companion." The contempt in my voice was hard to hide but did he seriously believe that I could replace Bella. Did he think that any of these vampires were half as worthy as she was? "Aro I am afraid you do not completely understand the situation. It is time for me to go."

As I turned to leave the room I heard Aro, "Demetri, Felix please keep an eye on our distraught friend. Make sure he does nothing to expose us."

When I left the Volturi I realized it was dawn. I began to plan the various ways I could anger the Volturi. A killing spree would be effective. The Volturi always brought their food in from outside the town so there were never murders here. I thought this plan through but it just didn't seem right. How could I take innocents in a quest to end my existence? I couldn't. I moved on to a different plan. Perhaps showing off my strength would be the way to go. It was nothing for me to lift cars over my head and throw them a few hundred feet.

As I continued to walk through the plaza I realized that the sun was beginning to rise and shine brightly over my miserable existence. I quickly ducked into the shadows. A memory crossed my mind of the last time I was in the sun in the meadow with Bella. It was the simplest of ideas really, no one would be hurt and nothing would be destroyed except for me. The sun would be brightest at noon and there was a festival today celebrating the destruction of all vampires hundreds of years ago. Of course that was started by the Volturi themselves so to expose us on this day was sure to bring swift consequences. It was decided. I would simply walk into the sunlit plaza at noon for all humans to see. There was of course only one human I wished to see me while I sparkled in the sun but it could not be. I waited in the alley way near the clock tower thinking of my Bella and all the many things I would never see again. Noon could not come fast enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I wasn't originally planning on writing more on this topic but I still had some story left to tell. I hope you like it. I am open to all feed back. I noticed that lots of people looked at my story but few reviewed and I am not sure it that is a good thing or not. So thank you to those who reviewed. I know this is kind of short but it is getting late and typing out the actual dialogue takes a while. Enjoy! **

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The clang of the bell in the clock tower shook me from my reverie. It was time now to end the pain. I had spent the last few hours sitting here in the dark shadows remembering all the wonderful time we had spent together. It was painful but necessary I didn't know what the afterlife would bring for me. Every interaction we ever had played like a movie reel in my mind. The pain licked at the now wide open wounds from these memories. I deserved nothing less then the pain that gripped me. I had deliberately put doubt in her mind about my love for her. Not knowing how to keep her safe was my one true down fall. I would suffer no more for this. It was time.

Some small part of me hoped to see Bella soon but I would settle for the pain going away. While I hummed her lullaby I slowly unbuttoned my shirt and threw it to the ground. I could not bring myself to remember the tune before now, it held the most painful of memories. The sun hung high in the sky calling to me. I could sense the others around waiting in the shadows for me to make a move. I was certain that it was Felix and Demetri even though I could not hear their thoughts I could sense their excitement.

I closed my eyes to see her face one last time before I stepped into the light. Funny….most people who talk about stepping into the light are going to a place forever barred to me, a place where my Bella now resided. As my body stood poised to move forward I could almost hear Bella calling my name, it was as if she was beckoning me into the light. Just as I went to step forward something crashed into me. In an instant I knew it was her, I held her and breathed in her scent. I opened my eyes slowly to savor the moment incase my mind was playing tricks on me. But when my eyes opened there she was looking back at me. She seemed panicked though almost trying to push me backwards.

"Amazing, Carlisle was right." I beamed at her. She was speaking and she seemed flustered as only Bella could but nothing could break through my sublime happiness. I reached up and gently stroked her cheek. It still felt warm, her radiance was still so life like.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing- they're very good." I couldn't believe the pleasure I found in death. I gentle pressed my lips to her hair. I couldn't help but quote Romeo, remembering the scene from a distant past when were both still alive. "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty."

I inhaled her intoxicating scent again, "You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

A slow smile crept across my lips for the first time in half a year. Bella was in my arms again where she rightfully belonged. Just then her voice broke through all the happy fog that had settled over me.

"I'm not dead and neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

She was pushing at my arms in an unusual way. Did she not want me holding her? The situation was so confusing.

"What was that?" I asked still not allowing anything to ruin this time we had.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-"

Her words finally broke through my haze. _We're not dead_, a slow realization crept over me. We were still standing just in the edge of the shadows and Bella was with me in Volterra. My initial happiness was wiped away and replaced with a new found fear. I wasn't dead but most importantly _Bella_ wasn't dead. She was however in the heart of Volterra with angry vampires lurking in the shadows.

I quickly spun us out of the impeding sun and pinned Bella behind me shielding her from Felix and Demetri. I could hear their thoughts now and a low growl escaped me. This couldn't be happening. I was trapped in my own personal hell. Why could nothing go right, how was I going to get us out of here? I _would_ get us out of here. Nothing would harm Bella now that I knew she was alive. Felix and Demetri stepped out from the shadows.

"Greetings, gentlemen, I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix's voice was smooth as ice as he spoke.

"I don't believe that will be necessary," an angry edge crept into my voice. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

The ominous figures did not back down. I continued to guard Bella from them. I would not let them hurt her. I had lived through the nightmare of her death once; I was not willing to give up so easily this time. We were together and just having her near me gave me reason to exist.

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun. Let us seek better cover." Demetri's tone was smooth but carried undertones of dark plans.

"I'll be right behind you," I glanced back at Bella for the first time since the appearance Felix and Demetri. Her eyes were wide with fear yet there was calm about her, "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

If I could just get her out of the alley way she would be safe at least for now. But no sooner had the words left my mouth then Felix interjected.

"No bring the girl."

"I don't think so." My reply was sharp and I was finished with the pretense of being civil. Felix's thoughts were on destroying me. He seemed to miss the fact that I had changed my mind. He didn't; however miss the fact that Bella was now with me. I shifted ever so slightly preparing for the attack they were planning. It would not be easy fighting and protecting Bella at the same time. They knew this but luckily I caught glimpses of their thoughts and could prepare some defense.

I could hear Bella behind me whisper, "No."

I murmured a gentle shushing sound to calm her.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Okay so here is the third chapter hope it is to your liking. Thank you to everyone who reviewed your kind words help me stay motivated to write. Please continue to review good or bad all are welcome. Enjoy**

**I in no way own any part of Twilight or New Moon. **

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Felix and Demetri were trying to push us deeper into the alleyway. I would not let them hurt Bella. I had her back and I would not lose her like this. Fighting both of them was impossible perhaps if I put her on my back and we ran for the plaza but there was still the problem of the sun.

"_Edward_," suddenly I heard my name being called but not from any of the figures visible to me nor was it out loud and this particular voice I would have known anywhere. _Alice_! I should have known she was the one who brought Bella here.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we? There are ladies present." Alice walked over to my side. I was happy to have her with me however Emmett would have been preferable just for his size. Her thoughts were screaming at me even though she appeared very relaxed.

"_I am so sorry it was a mistake_. _But seriously, what were you thinking! Did you even think what it would be like for us to live without you?_"

At the sight of Alice both Demetri and Felix relaxed their stance. Felix had several disapproving thoughts of even numbers running through his head.

"We're not alone," she reminded them.

The small family that was watching us from the entrance to the alley was looking more nervous with the addition of another person. The man walked to the guards in the red coats making an obvious complaint about what was happening further down the alleyway. Six guards joined the family in watching us.

Demetri was very frustrated with the situation there was little he could do now. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable."

"Let's and we will leave quietly now, with no one the wiser." If only it were that easy. I knew that they did not like the appearance of Alice but they had their orders and it was unlikely they would just let us go.

Demetri's frustration was much clearer in his thoughts and his tone this time. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

"No," I wanted to make it clear that we would not be going anywhere with them. Bella was with me and I needed to keep her safe, needed to be able to tell her all the reasons for what I did. I needed her forgiveness and her warmth. As I was continuing to plan our escape a voice broke through the tension.

"Enough." The voice could only belong to one person and as the cloaked figure approached my suspicions were confirmed.

"Jane." The time for escape was over. Jane was a formidable opponent, one I could not defeat. I let my arms fall from protecting Bella. It was now a fruitless effort. I only hoped that what waited inside the Volturi residence was not anger for my actions but understanding of some sort. I noticed that Alice was not pleased with the arrival of Jane; she too understood the implications of what could happen now.

"Follow me." It was a simple instruction; it pained me to have to do it. Felix gestured for us to follow Jane first. The pleasure of the outcome of the situation showed clearly on his face. His thoughts were full of the same pleasure. Alice followed Jane at once. I slipped my arm around Bella's waist and lead her down the alley way. I could feel her eyes looking at me full of questions but I could not face her. I had once again put her in danger. This time however we were being lead to a residence full of vampires that preferred human blood, ones that were possible quite irritated with me. And there were a few that wanted to see me suffer for my arrogance. How could I make so many mistakes surrounding the one person I loved? There had to be away out of this. I would figure out something. This could not be end. This cruel twist of fate will not destroy us. I realized then I did not know how Bella was still alive.

"Well, Alice, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake. It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?" I had to know even if it were bad, I needed to know.

"It's a long story. In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

I received numerous thoughts coming from Alice. The cliff jumping was far from the worst. Alice allowed me to hear things from Charlie's point of view. The state Bella was in when I left, the emptiness, the lack of desire she had to live, and worst of all the nightmares. Then there was the fact that Victoria was hunting her, I had seriously under estimated Victoria, and werewolves were protecting. _Werewolves! _Onein particular werewolf she had been spending a great deal of time with, the thought pained me.I had left Bella so she could have a normal life yet she barely managed to exist. The pain I had caused her was visibly clear in Alice's thoughts. I would never leave her again. Even if she had moved on, I would watch over her and protect her. I couldn't allow my existence to have such effects on her life.

"Hmm," was all I could manage as a response to what Alice had shown me. I could feel Bella's body heat rise and heart rate quicken when she realized Alice was filling me in on her many adventures. I was unsure of what to do with all this information. At least she had gotten up everyday and tried to exist. I was much more hopeless. Many times I didn't move for days frozen by the pain of her loss.

We were now at the end of the alleyway and it was time to enter into the Volturi residence. I could only hope that they would some how understand and let Bella go. Alice slid down the opening first and I could see panic come over Bella's face.

"It's alright, Bella, Alice will catch you." She seemed hesitant and I wished for a way to calm her. I wished I could have gone first and caught her but Demetri and Felix were still behind us and I did not trust them. Felix, especially, had many thoughts I did not approve of. Bella finally crouched down and called for Alice. I took hold of her wrists and lowered her. The contact between us sent ripples of heat through me. The warmth of her skin was a sensation I had not experienced in such a long time. I craved it, I couldn't live without it and I would somehow get us out of this.

Once Bella was down the tunnel I slipped down behind her. The hallway was very dim. This was one of the old stone tunnels beneath the city that had existed centuries ago. The Volturi created this city and used every part, old and new, as their personal playground. As soon as I landed on the damp stone below I took Bella into my arms. We were now deep into the Volturi residence and there was no turning back. Bella held me very tightly as we walked down the old cobble stone path. It was not very well lit and I could tell she was afraid. Her heartbeat was frantic and it worried me. I wish there were a way to calm her. She had risked her life for me, someone who didn't deserve her.

Bella was having trouble walking in the dark. Her feet tripped over the damp stone. I wanted to carry her, hold in my arms, close to me but that would speed up the process of fate. I wasn't so sure I was going to like the outcome so I decided it was better to go slow. Enjoying what time we may have together. Felix was growing very impatient behind us. His thoughts about Bella were angering me. He let out an audible sigh and my grip tightened on Bella.

My concern grew with each passing step. I found myself wondering if this really would be the end. After all we had been through would this be the only reunion we would have? My existence would surely be the end of her this time. I brought this on us. I did this to her. I was just as bad as the monster I buried deep within me.

Without realizing it I had started to stroke Bella's face. I traced her lips and jaw line with my thumb. I leaned down and breathed in her scent. I lowered my head to rest on hers trying to be as close to her as possible. I was drowning in my own personal guilt. Bella's arms tightened around me. I wish she knew how much I wanted her, how much I _needed_ her. My existence had been nothing during her absence. I gently touched her forehead with my lips. It was my way of telling her I was sorry. Even if she wouldn't accept my apology I had to try. I wished we could speak but even whispers would be heard by all.

The path started to descend deeper into the darkness, we were almost to the end. I could feel Bella shiver beside me, at first I thought it was fear but her teeth began to chatter, she was cold. Her clothes were still wet; I assumed she must have climbed through the fountain in the square to reach me. The bravery she had shown in coming here was something I cherished about her. I was not worthy of the goodness and light she brought into my life. I released her from my arms, choosing instead to hold her hand; the cold of my body was not a comfort to her. I wanted nothing more than to hold her and caress her but the iciness of my touch could never make her warm.

"N-n-o," Bella managed to chatter out a small response to me pulling away. I quickly took her back in arms, rubbing my cold hands up and down her arms hoping to create warmth through friction. I tried to hurry her through the deep cold tunnel against my previous thoughts. It would be warmer outside of the tunnel but it would also be more dangerous. All too soon we reached the end. In front of us stood a small wrought iron door, I quickly ducked through it into a brighter stone room. Bella seemed to relax a bit in the brightness. Everything in me tensed and I clenched my jaw tightly shut.

How could this be the end for us?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- This chapter is a little longer than the others. It was hard to decide where to stop. It also has a lot of dialogue from the book in it. I tried to add as much though form Edward as possible. So I hope you enjoy it. Thank you Defy Gravity and 1stepbehind29 for reviewing my last chapter. I really appreciate it. Please review.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to New Moon**

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We had moved into the warmer area of the residence. I was grateful only because Bella would stop shivering other than that this was not the place I wanted to be. We followed Jane to the elevator that would take us up to the main level of the residence. Upon entering the elevator Felix, Demetri, and Jane all relaxed. I instinctively drew Bella closer. Her scent was overwhelming in the small space and I knew it had to have an effect on all of them. In fact I could hear Felix mulling over just how much he liked the scent of Bella. It annoyed me immensely but little could be done in such a small area.

We stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby that I had been in just yesterday. Gianna, the human that worked for the Volturi, was at the desk. Bella noticed instantly that Gianna was not a vampire and she seemed quite surprised. Gianna greeted Jane with a warm hello. She was not surprised to see us all enter. When Jane is sent out on a mission she usually fulfills it. Felix was having some very interesting thoughts about the human and none of them had to do with eating her. Gianna shared in Felix's lustful thoughts as we passed by the desk. We moved from the lobby through the same doors I had passed through just hours ago. When we passed through the doors we were greeted by Alec, Jane's twin brother. Alec was surprised to see just who Jane had returned with.

"They send you out for one and you come back with 2 ……and half." He glanced at Bella when he said this making me more and more nervous of what laid in wait for her. "Nice work."

His mind was unclear he must have been warned to block his thoughts from me. "Welcome back Edward, you seem in a better mood." How could I be in a better mood? Alec was being sarcastic without trying. I thought I lost Bella hence the original poor mood now I may have been leading her to her death, how was that better?

"Marginally," was my reply because I guess after everything at least Bella was alive, at least for now. Alec turned from me and gazed at Bella, obviously assessing her worthiness. He appraised her as nothing to die over, those thoughts slipped through loud and clear.

"And this was the cause of all the trouble," he said with a dark chuckle. I did not like the thoughts coming through Alec's head at the moment. His thoughts questioned what all the fuss was about. I wanted to inform him of just how much trouble I would go through for her incase he had missed any of my pleas from the day before. This man child had no true idea of the feelings Bella stirred in me or of the love she made me feel. I smiled at him contemptuously. He would never know what love like this felt like.

Just then Felix interjected, "Dibs." He was obviously trying to egg me on and it worked.

I turned to face him a low growl building in my chest. He had made one too many snide remarks and I couldn't take it any longer. Threatening Bella in anyway was the final straw. His thoughts were flowing freely to me now about all the torturous things he wished to do, not only me but to Bella and that was just too much. He beckoned me forward with his fingers and just as I was about to move Alice reached for my arm.

"Patience," she cautioned. It was rather handy having Alice with me after all. She shared her thoughts with me on what might lay ahead for us and it seemed that Aro truly didn't want harm to come to me, however he still didn't know about Bella being here or Alice for that matter. As much as I wanted to put Felix in his place, I had to think of Bella's safety first. There was still a chance, albeit a small one, that we would make it out of this.

I turned back to Alec, who didn't seem to notice the exchange that had just taken place between Felix and I. "Aro will be so pleased to see you again."

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane suggested with excitement in her voice. She would be rewarded greatly for returning with such a prize. Not only did she find me but she brought back extras including a human. I could feel the fear rising inside of me again. Bella still clung to me tightly and she seemed less fearful than before. How I wish she would learn some sort of self preservation. I wasn't really sure if she understood the danger that was present. I held her close to my bare chest; her warmth was so soothing to my cold skin. Now was the moment of truth, as we walked down the long hallway I wondered which room we would enter. There was really only one room that would not be good, the feeding room.

Alec stopped in the middle of the hallway and slid the panel open hiding the plain wooden door that lead to the feeding room. My worst fears were beginning to come true. This was not the place I wanted Bella. This was the room they brought humans to in order to drink from them. Alec held the door open for all of us to pass through. We entered the cavernous room that used to be an old castle turret. Again, it was cold and damp. My body tensed once more when I realized just how many vampires were gathered here waiting for my arrival, now our arrival.

Everyone turned towards us as we entered the room. Aro was pleased to have Jane return to him. "Jane, dear one, you've returned!" As Aro moved forward I noticed Bella's mouth drop open. She was obviously surprised by Aro's movement, or as he got closer, his appearance. He still hadn't noticed just who Jane had brought back so it was unclear what his reaction would be.

Aro floated to Jane planting a kiss on her lips, "Ah, Jane you are such a comfort to me." Aro's thoughts were focused on my return to them. He felt it would have been a waste to destroy me. Plus he truly didn't wish to hurt Carlisle. It was then that he finally turned to see the rest of our group. His thoughts were almost gleeful and surprised when he realized that both Bella and Alice were with me.

"And Alice and Bella, too!" Aro clapped his hands in pleasure. "This is a happy surprise. Wonderful!" He seemed truly delighted to see us all here. I was unsure of the source of his pleasure. I was really unsure of everything at this point. Aro was not about to let me read his mind so I had nothing to go on; it was like dealing with Bella's impenetrable mind all over again. I was frustrated and angry, not the best mood to be in when trying to be humble and apologetic. Bella just stared in shock at the warm welcome we received from Aro. I wished more than anything that I could read her mind right now. I needed to know how she was holding up.

"Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers of our company. I am sure they wouldn't want to miss this." Felix skulked off to retrieve the others all the while his thoughts were on our demise and the pleasure he would have in destroying me. Obviously I had not made a friend of Felix and the feeling was definitely mutual. Next Aro turned to me.

"You see, Edward?" Aro had a tone of fatherly scolding and matter of fact ness about him. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?" Aro was very pleased with himself.

"Yes, Aro, I am," I winced at the memory of what I had asked and why. I unconsciously tightened my grip around Bella. She was with me now. This was all I had dreamed of the last few days. I just hoped this dream would not become a nightmare. The monster that I am would not destroy the love I had found.

"I love a happy ending," Aro seemed truly happy about having us all here. I wasn't sure where he was going with this but the mention of a "happy ending" filled me with some hope. If we were just in another room I would feel a little bit better. Aro continued with his reverie," They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice?" He turned to her, for the first time, with a curious stare. "Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake." Aro seemed to have a need for gossip almost like a teenage girl. I wondered if this was what happened living an isolated life for centuries.

"Oh, I am far from infallible." Alice showed no tension in her voice but there was some concern in her thoughts. She thought she would be blamed or possibly punished for such a mistake. She was, of course, already punishing herself and cursing Rosalie. "As you can see today, I cause as many problems as I cure them."

"You're too modest. I have seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!" Again Aro was giddy. He truly seemed to be enjoying himself. I hoped his good mood continued and we were released soon. Alice shot me a nervous glance she was unaware of how Aro knew anything of her talents. Aro being observant caught the questioning look from Alice.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just I feel I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not."

The envy was clear in Aro's voice and thoughts. I thought it would be the perfect time to pay him a compliment. I wanted to keep him in his good mood and feed his ego a bit. "And exponentially more powerful," I looked at Alice to explain, "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in a moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had." I was pleased to hear that Aro appreciated my humbleness. Alice had questions of her own though.

"_You showed him everything? He knows all about Bella, James, and the rest of the family?" _

I inclined my head slightly at Alice. Aro noticed our conversation and the envy was back in his tone. "But to hear from a distance…" Aro sighed heavily showing his frustration with his perceived inadequacies. "That would be so convenient."

Then everyone in the room turned to face the door and the others entering. Marcus and Caius had arrived with Felix. Neither Marcus nor Caius looked pleased to be here. They did not share the enthusiasm of Aro about our presence. Felix had also not been saying nice things about my behavior from earlier in the day which didn't help their mood.

"Marcus, Caius look!" Pure excitement oozed from Aro. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful!" Aro's excitement was clear but did not spread to the others. Caius and Marcus drifted towards their seats. As Marcus passed Aro he reached his hand out and let his thoughts pass to Aro. Marcus was surprised by the intensity of mine and Bella's relationship. I tried to suppress a laugh and it turned into a snort. Alice looked at me curiously.

I explained swiftly, "Marcus sees relationships. He is surprised by the intensity of ours."

"So convenient," Aro repeated to himself. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I assure you." Aro changed the topic suddenly. "It's just so difficult to understand, even now. How can you stand so close to her like that?"

"It is not without effort," was my reply. But I honestly wanted to take her in my arms and hold her forever. The closeness was something I have craved for the last six months, the loneliest time of all my existence. I could not express these feelings openly they would indeed put Bella in danger. The others would feed upon my weakness.

"But still- la tua cantante! What a waste!" Aro was amazed by my restraint.

I let out a humorless chuckle at this. Aro really didn't understand just how much Bella meant to me. "I look at it more as a price." Aro would never be able to comprehend the love I have for Bella. She is my life, the reason for my whole existence. He would always be preoccupied by her scent and as much as I loved her scent, her presence in my life was so much more important. I would forever pay the price of not drinking from her if it meant keeping her in my life. It was an inconsequential price.

Aro was still unsure. "A very high price"

"Opportunity cost." I would give anything to spend time with Bella and I would give my life if she no longer lived. Aro was missing the point completely.

"If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift and yet you……."

"Waste it," I finished for him. He was obviously stuck on how I could not just take her life to feed my need for blood. He didn't realize Bella filled so many other needs for me, all more important than her blood.

"Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him- only he was not so angry."

Aro was very observant on this matter. I was angry. For the past few days anger consumed me for a loss I couldn't comprehend, now anger consumed me for the danger I had allowed so close to Bella. Anger was definitely an emotion I knew well. "Carlisle out shines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

"Hardly," I replied impatiently. This idle chat was becoming old. I needed to know our fate. Aro had existed for so long that time tended to be irrelevant for him. The minutes since we had entered the feeding room had past quickly but the time we spent standing here felt like an eternity. I needed resolution and I hoped to get it soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- Ok so I am not uder where I am going to end the story either after they leave Volterra or the end of the story. Let me know if yoou guys are interested in reading more. Please review. Thanks again to those who reviewed the last chapter and all my reviewers really. Hope you like it **

**Disclaimer-It all belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

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I stood before Aro continuing to listen to his pointless rambling. He seemed so content to reminisce about Carlisle and my restraint. I was anything but content, still being in this room was not what I wanted. I wished to be on a plane back to Forks, back to the life I had before Bella's birthday.

"Just remembering how she appeals to you it makes me thirsty," Aro said this with a slight chuckle. I found nothing funny about the statement and tensed immediately. Aro sensed my tension.

"Don't be disturbed I mean her no harm. But I am so curious, about one thing in particular." Aro's eyes brightened as his thought came to me. He wanted to know if Bella were immune to him too. "May I?" He asked me raising his hand towards Bella.

"Ask her," I replied in a flat voice. I was concerned that Bella would be afraid. I knew Aro was just curious to see if he could read Bella's mind nothing more. I hoped more than anything that he couldn't. I didn't want to be the only one who was blocked from her mind. It would bother me that Aro could see things that I couldn't.

"Of course, how rude of me! Bella, I am fascinated that you are the only exception to Edward's impressive talent- so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are so similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try- to see if you are an exception for me, as well?"

Bella looked at me, horrified. She was obviously frightened by Aro's request but it was necessary to please him and allow him to do this. Plus it would settle some of my curiosity as well. Aro would not harm Bella that much was clear so I nodded at her. It was the first time I had looked her in the eye since we were in the alley. It pained me to see how unhealthy she looked. Bella looked away from me and placed her hand in Aro's. Aro's face showed confidence has he took Bella's hand and I wondered just what he might see if anything. If Aro could read Bella's mind than I could read Aro's and know what she was thinking. With in seconds I could tell Aro could see what I saw from Bella, nothing. It was clear this bothered him to no end. It took everything in to hide my smugness and not show the smirk I could feel creeping to my lips.

"So very interesting." Aro seemed to be contemplating what he wanted to do next. He looked at us curiously and I hoped he was making a decision to let us go. But then he did something I could not allow.

"A first, I wonder if she is immune to our other talents…..Jane, dear?"

"No!" Jane could not be allowed to torture Bella. Her power was to inflict pain so torturous that no should have to endure it. I could not allow this to happen to Bella. I couldn't watch her wither in pain at the hands of Jane. Alice grabbed me in an attempt control the rage building inside of me. I shook her off angrily.

"Yes, Master?" Jane replied to Aro with a wicked grin, grateful to be given the chance to prove herself against the mere mortal.

I snarled at the horrible thoughts rushing through Jane's head. I stared at Aro, full of anger how could he imagine I would allow Bella to be put through such torture. Everyone in the room had stopped and to watch my childish behavior. Felix started to move forward, he thought he would finally have his chance to destroy me but Aro shot him a look stopping him in his tracks. Felix looked like a wounded child. I was completely out of order, I knew that but I had to stand up for Bella it was not necessary to put her through Jane's torture.

"I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to you."

Aro could barely be heard over the furious growls escaping from me. I let go of Bella for the first time since entering the residence. I had to shield her from Jane. I had to protect her, for so long I had not been them when she needed me but I would be there now. Jane turned to Bella and as she did I lunged at her. I could hear Alice cry "don't" but it was too late. I was on the ground. I cringed against the stone floor making sure no sound escaped me; I would not give any of them that pleasure. I could hear Bella yell out for Jane to stop, still the brave girl amongst the monsters. She even made a move to stand between Jane and me, but thankfully Alice stopped her. Aro had called to Jane and now that I was out of the way he wanted her to see how Bella would respond. As soon as Jane looked away my body was still. I was thankful for the reprieve from the pain but I couldn't bear what might happen to Bella now. Jane was smiling fully at her. I sprang to my feet with a look of horror on my face waiting for Bella to start screaming, a sound I never wanted to hear. But the sound didn't come. I looked between Bella and Jane and could read the frustration in Jane's head. She was giving Bella the full force of her power and nothing happened. I went back to Bella's side, pleased that Jane was not capable of hurting her. Alice surrendered Bella back to me and once again she was safe in my arms.

Oddly enough Aro began to laugh. "Ha, ha, ha, this is wonderful!" It was strange to me how Aro was so easily amused. Bella had become a source of entertainment for him, almost like a court jester. I hoped he had grown fond of her so he would let her go. Jane hissed in frustration at Aro's amusement.

"Don't be put out, dear one, she confounds us all." Aro placed a light hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Jane was not comforted her thoughts drifted to other ways she might be able to torture Bella. Jane curled her lip as she glared at me. I had made yet another enemy in Volterra, luckily I was not as concerned about their like of me as much I as with Aro, Marcus and Caius.

"Ha, ha, ha," Aro laugh in sheer amusement at the situation. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once- just out of curiosity." Aro shook his head at the memory of the pain Jane had caused him. I was disgusted to see his pleasure yet again in the pain of the situation. When he spoke again however his tone had changed and the topic was serious.

"So what do we do with you now?" It was a simple question with hopefully a simple answer. My breath caught when he said it. I could only hope against all odds that he would release us. Alice and I both stiffened at this. Bella began to tremble in my arms. I wished for a way to comfort her but there was nothing I could do. Our fate was to be decided by monsters and I hoped it would not be the end. Aro was being careful with his thought he didn't want to give anything away. Panic crept back in my mind as I waited patiently for the decision.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked me hopefully and I contemplated if my answer would save Bella's life. If I agreed would they let her go? I could see my hesitation was making Felix nervous and I enjoyed this briefly. Saying yes to joining the Volturi would mean leaving Bella and I couldn't bear doing that again. I spoke my words carefully, "I'd….rather…..not." Aro was disappointed but not surprised by my response.

"Alice? Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?"

"No, thank you." Alice replied so much quicker than I did. She seemed so sure of our outcome but nothing was clear in her thoughts. Aro had not decided what he would with. The next question he asked caught us all by surprise including Caius.

"And you, Bella?" I hissed at Aro. How could he ask such a question? He could not keep my Bella. I looked to see what Bella's reaction was to his question and she seemed confused. I wish I knew what she was thinking. Caius broke through the silence.

"What?" He was not happy with Aro's willingness to invite the human to become one the most elite vampires that existed.

"Caius, surely you see the potential. I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?" Aro was so certain Bella would be one of us. I still couldn't make myself see Bella as one of us, cold and hard with no soul. I noticed Jane was not pleased with being compared to Bella. As far as Jane was concerned she was the apple of Aro's eye, the vampire he needed beside him. The thought of being replaced by such a simple human was not pleasing her at all. I could feel a growl growing in my chest. I couldn't allow him to change her. I was still so undecided about what was more important, her life or her soul. Before I could say or do anything Bella spoke.

"No, thank you." Bella replied in a whisper. I was so proud of her this was the second time in one night she had stood up the most powerful vampires in the world. After everything I had put her through she had come here to save me and she was so brave. I was having trouble remembering why I left or more importantly how I thought I could exist without her.

Aro sighed heavily at Bella's response, "That's unfortunate. Such a waste."

The anger had returned in full force, "Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we were brought to this room. So much for your laws." I chose my words carefully. I knew what the laws said and they didn't have any reason to destroy us. I needed to play this right if I wanted to get us out of this.

"Of course not, we were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you." Aro was surprised by my remark and somewhat astonished by my petulance. And he was telling the truth. Aro's thoughts did not betray him; they really were waiting for Heidi.

"Aro the law claims them." Caius was not pleased by what was transpiring. He was not nearly has amused by us as Aro was. I could hear his thoughts. He felt we should be destroyed because of Bella. I could not allow that.

"How so?" I would make him say it out loud so I could disprove his reasoning.

"She knows too much. You have exposed our secrets." Caius was so predictable he said what I needed him to.

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well." I hoped I could use this to my benefit to save Bella.

A strange expression crossed Caius' face. "Yes, but when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

"I wouldn't…." Bella began to speak out against Caius, to defend herself but he silenced with a menacing look.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us," Caius continued his grandstanding. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only her life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

I bared my teeth at Caius. He knew I would not leave Bella here to be destroyed. He wanted me destroyed as well.

"That's what I thought." Caius showed pleasure at reasoning out why we were to be destroyed. Felix was also very pleased. Again he began to list the many ways he would destroy me but not before he had Bella for a snack in front of me. I don't think I disliked anyone more in the world than Felix.

"Unless…." Aro interrupted. He was very unhappy with the events that had transpired. He was struggling with finding us a way out. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?"

I hesitated. I didn't know if I was ready to take Bella's soul and more importantly I didn't know if she still wanted to be a vampire. Did she still want to spend forever with me after everything that happened? "And if I do?"

Aro smiled happily at my response. He could find a way out for us, a way to spare Bella. "Why, then you would free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle. But I am afraid you would have to mean it."

Aro was not foolish he knew I would say anything to get us out of Volterra. He raised his hand in front of me to read my mind. I was hesitant. Caius was not pleased about letting us go but he was pleased that Aro had thought through the possibility of deception. I stared deep into Bella's eyes. How could I decide for her? She stared back at me pleading with her eyes.

"Mean it, please." Bella pleaded with me. It tortured me to have her ask this of me. How could she want me to take her soul? I know we had this argument so many times but this time was different. I couldn't let Aro touch me he would see my indecision and that would lead him to believe he couldn't let us go. There had to be a way around this. Just then Alice stepped forward. Her hand was raised toward Aro. She didn't say anything and Aro quickly called off his guards to allow Alice to touch his hand.

It felt like time had stopped. I could hear Alice's thoughts. She could show Aro one of the many visions she had of Bella being part of our family. It would work. He would believe her vision because he wanted to. I could feel Bella's heart beat quicken, she feared the outcome and I couldn't blame her she didn't know that Alice could persuade Aro that she would be changed.

"Ha, ha, ha," Aro's laughter filled the empty space. "That was fascinating!" He was delighted with what Alice had shown him.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"To see things you've seen-especially the ones that haven't happened yet."

"But that will."

"Aro," Caius was not happy with the change of events.

"Dear Caius , don't fret think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household….. Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!"

Alice had done a good job of convincing Aro of the events that would occur in the future. Aro had obviously forgotten that not everything Alice saw was true either that or he didn't care. "Then we are free to go now?" I asked in an even tone.

"Yes, yes," Aro said enthusiastically. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling."

"And we will visit you as well," Caius added with a promising glare. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay to long. We do not offer second chances."

I clenched my jaw tightly refraining from making any remarks. I nodded in understanding. Felix's thoughts were gloomy. He acted as if someone had destroyed his favorite toy. His sullen mood did not escape Aro's keen eye.

"Ah, Felix, Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

"Hmm, in that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later." Heidi's return meant that the Volturi would be feeding soon and I wanted Bella no where near them when that occurred.

"Yes that's a good idea. Accidents do happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind."

"Of course." I agreed. I needed Bella out of this room as long as that happened everything else would work out. Once this threat had passed I realized I had to think about how Bella would take all of this.

" And here," Aro added calling Felix forward. He removed Felix's cloak and tossed it to me. I had honestly forgotten that I wasn't wearing s shirt until then, with everything going on clothing was the least of my worries. Felix was livid that Aro would give me his cloak. The cloak was a sign of the Volturi and meant that you were a part of the inner circle. Aro had handed me Felix's like it was nothing. Aro sighed at the sight of me in the cloak. "It suits you." At that Felix cursed me even more than before, feeling slightly insecure in his place with Aro. I chuckled at how easily Felix could be bothered by something so trivial.

"Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below." Alice had a vision of Heidi approaching with dinner we needed to leave. "Let's go." I said urgently. I didn't want Bella exposed to the cruel reality that was a vampire's existence. Demetri gestured for us to follow him and we did quickly. I kept Bella by my side and pulled her swiftly down the hallway. Alice was close on her other side hoping that we would be out of the hallway before Heidi arrived with dinner.

"Not fast enough," Alice mumbled.

**A/N Part 2- Don't forget if you want me to continue let me know!!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- So this chapter is up a little quicker than usual. Basically I am doing some serious task avoidance concerning my education paper . I hope you guys like this chapter. Please review. It let's me know if people are actually enjoying the story. Thank you to Twilight Chick, Viscountess Kiera, Yours-for-Eternity, Saranicole, LainieMichelle and 1stepbehind29. I really appreciate your feed back.**

**Disclaimer: I only play in the world of Twlight it doesn't belong to me.**

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It was too late. Heidi had returned from her fishing expedition as they like to call. I could hear the many victims walking towards us down the long hallway. Each had been told a story that was too hard to resist. When the people became visible I grabbed Bella and pulled her tight into my chest. I wanted to shield her from the ugly truth of my existence. The second there was a break in the crowd I pushed Bella through trying to escape the small space before the screaming started. When we entered the outer hallway Heidi was ushering the last of the visitors through. She stared at Bella with curious eyes. I knew this wouldn't be good. Her eyes flickered between my cloak and Bella clutched tightly to my chest. Heidi was one of the vampires who wanted me to stay in Volterra. She thought if I joined them I would forget Bella and eventually replace her. Heidi hoped that _she_ would replace Bella. Seeing Bella alive did not impress Heidi and she was curious about why I had a Volturi cloak. There was no time to explain I had to get Bella away from the feeding room before bad things happened. As soon as we could get past Heidi I set off at a run but it was still too late. The screams echoed throughout the hallway. I couldn't spare Bella from the brutal truth. She would again see the darkest side of my existence.

Demetri showed us to the reception area where Gianna was still at her post. Demetri reminded us that we couldn't leave until after dark and left us in the reception area. Gianna eyed my borrowed cloak suspiciously and her thoughts were clear. She thought I joined their little club and she was envious. I couldn't be bothered with anything else right now except for Bella. She was falling apart in my arms.

"Are you alright?" I tried to hide the anxiety in voice to avail. I was worried. She had been through so much.

"You'd better make her sit before she falls. She's going to pieces." Alice was just as concerned for Bella as I was.

She was shaking almost uncontrollably. I didn't know what I could for her except hold her. The stress of the day was finally showing. I couldn't believe she had made it this far without falling apart. I was so proud of her and so worried all at the same time. She was sobbing uncontrollably now and I needed her to calm down.

"Shh, Bella, Shh." I wanted to comfort her but nothing seemed to be working.

"I think she is having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested. This was not a helpful suggestion. I looked at her, the panic plain on my face. I had Bella back and she was distraught once again over the monster that I was.

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right." I repeated this over and over again hoping the calming words would register in her mind and she would relax. I pulled her on my lap tucking the cloak in around her. I wanted to hold her to keep her close to me and never let her go again. I didn't know how long she would be with me. She did come to save me but it didn't mean she would allow me back into her life. I cherished every second I had with her for now because it might be all the time I had.

The sobbing slowly subsided and she spoke, "All those people."

"I know," I whispered, there was no defense for how the Volturi lived. I may not live like them but the guilt of exposing Bella to this would not go away. I had always wanted to protect her from the reality of what I was. It was too late now.

"It's so horrible."

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that," I wish she knew just how much I meant that. It hurt me to see her so distraught. She snuggled her head into my chest using the cloak to wipe her eyes. I dreamt of her in my arms for months but why did it have to be under these circumstances.

Gianna came over to check on Bella. "Is there anything I can get you?" Her tone was pleasant but her thoughts betrayed her. She didn't understand how Bella could be upset over the reality of the vampire world. Gianna was so sure of herself.

"No," I replied for Bella. Gianna and her vile thoughts needed to be as far away from me as possible. I was in no mood to deal with such unimportant thoughts. Bella waited until Gianna was out of hearing range to speak.

"Does she know what's going on here?"

"Yes she knows everything."

"Does she know that they are going to kill her someday?"

"She knows it is a possibility. She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."

"She wants to be one of them?" The horror in Bella's voice was evident. "How can she want that?" And there it was everything I always feared. Bella now despised everything I was. I knew this day would come. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be part of that?" I couldn't respond to her. She was right how cold anyone want this existence. She would never want to be with me after this. The grim reality made the pain of the last few days resurface stronger than before.

"Oh, Edward," Bella began to cry again and I wished for a way to comfort her. Each tear drop was like a razor blade to my being.

"What's wrong?" I gently rubbed her back trying to relax her rigid body. I felt so anxious and helpless. Bella reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself close to me. It was the most heavenly feeling even though we were closer to hell. I pulled her as tightly to me as I could without hurting her. We were almost one body molded together.

"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?"

"I know exactly what you mean," I was so happy to have her near me, no matter how short a time that might be. I had to find a way for her to forgive. I would gladly beg for the rest of my existence if she would have me back. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive." Bella was alive and that was amazing. Just yesterday I had lived through her death and today I lived through mine.

"Yes, that's a good one."

"And together," this comment didn't get much of a response from Bella and that worried me. Maybe she didn't want to be with me. But I would enjoy this for as long as it would last. "And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow."

"Hopefully"

"The outlook is quite good." I had almost forgotten that Alice was still here. My world only consisted of Bella being in my arms for now. "I'll see Jasper in less than 24 hours." And Alice only thought of Jasper.

Bella and I continued to stare at each other. She looked so different. She had lost weight and deep circles were etched under her eyes. What had I done to my beautiful Bella? How much pain had I caused her? I traced the circles under her eyes. "You look so tired."

"And you look thirsty." She was always so observant. I could only imagine the black coal color of my eyes.

"It's nothing," and that was the truth. I was more in control of my thirst than ever before. It was still there and it nagged at me but my love for Bella could deny the monster everything.

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice." Did she want me to leave or was she just trying to be helpful.

"Don't be ridiculous," a sigh escaped me before I continued. "I've never been in better control of that side of my nature than right now." I continued to stare at her face. My mind had not done her justice. The depth of her brown eyes and the beauty of her heart shaped face were so much more than my memory could ever conjure. It was getting close to dark outside and we needed to plan how we would make our way back to the airport and finally home. Home, with Bella, it was such a soothing feeling. Alice and I discussed in low fast voices how we would get back to Florence. Alice would borrow another car once were outside the gates of the city and then we would make the journey home. Randomly Alice asked about one of Aro's many interesting questions.

"What was all that talk about singers?" Alice asked with a curious look on her face.

"La tua cantante," I said with a small smile. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my singer- because her blood sings for me." Alice laughed. In a way it was funny. Only the Volturi would have a name for the way blood calls to someone. Bella was not only my singer but my song my existence was nothing without her. We all sat in silence for the most part. Bella was clearly tired but she fought against sleep. I couldn't help but to place kisses on her hair, forehead and nose every now and then. Feeling her beneath my lips brought on such powerful emotions. I was whole again at least for now. I hadn't noticed how much time had passed but Alec walked through the door at the far end of the room and I instantly tightened my grip on Bella.

"You are free to leave now." Those words were all I needed to hear. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."

"That won't be a problem." I responded with no pretense of being disappointed in this request. I quickly helped Bella to her feet and we followed Gianna's instructions out through the main lobby. When we reached the street the celebration was still in full swing. People were dressed as traditional vampires, fangs and all. "Ridiculous." I mumbled as we walked through the square.

"Where's Alice?" Bella said with panic in her voice.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" Bella seemed indifferent to grand theft auto. I guess she had gotten use to bending the rules these last couple of days. I had to grin at her.

"Not until we are outside the city." We continued to walk through the square toward the entryway. Bella struggled to walk exhaustion was consuming her body. I wrapped my arm around her waist supporting her weight to make this easier on her. She needed to sleep she had probably been up for the last day or so and that was not good for the human. We finally reached the archway and met Alice already in a car waiting for us.

"I'm sorry there wasn't much to choose from." Alice was not impressed with the car she borrowed but it would to get us away from the city. I crawled in the back with Bella. Now that we were on our way home the future was uncertain and I wasn't going to spend a second away from her. I was unsure of how she would respond to me when things were back to normal, or at least when we weren't in danger. I had so much to make up for I didn't know where to begin but I could start by not leaving her side ever again.

"It's fine, Alice. They can't all be 911 Turbos." I had seen the car in Alice's thoughts and it was a very nice machine.

"I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."

"I'll get you one for Christmas." It was the least I could do after all. She had come all this way to save my life and if she had not gone back to Forks I might still be sitting in the tenement building feeling sorry for myself.

"Yellow." She said facing me instead of the road. I couldn't help but smile.

I kept my arms wrapped around Bella and tucked the cloak in around her to keep her warm. "You can sleep now, Bella. It's over." I wanted her to rest. I was concerned that she might get sick.

"I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired." Liar was the first word that came to mind. She was physically and mentally exhausted but what ever her reason for wanting to stay awake I would allow it for now but it didn't mean that I couldn't try to dazzle her into sleeping.

"Try," I whispered as I lowered my lips down to the hollow under her ear. She shook her head. Dazzling was definitely out, for now. "You're still just as stubborn." She was struggling to keep her eyes open and she managed to do so all the way to the airport. Once we reached the airport Alice bought me some new clothes which I was very happy to have. Bella changed and brushed her teeth. The flight to Rome was short. We switched planes and headed to Atlanta. Bella, in all attempts to fight exhaustion order a coke from the stewardess. I disproved of this but maybe if she was awake we could talk. She didn't say anything. She looked at me with that same inquisitive look she always had when she wanted to quiz me but she never asked anything, never said anything.

I had thought about how to start this conversation so many times but now that she was right next to me I was afraid. The scenes in my head had played out so many ways first she would become angry and tell me how much she hated me. The second was much more appealing she forgave me and told me her love hadn't faded. I wasn't sure if I was quite prepared for the first outcome so I said nothing. I held her close to me, drinking in her warmth, her scent, everything I thought I had lost forever. I traced her face with my fingers her warmth sent electrical pulses through me. I can't believe I truly thought I could live without this. I still don't know how I managed to exist the last six months without her. I would have caved, I would have gone back. I just don't know how long it would have taken. She was my life and always would be.

Once we landed in Atlanta the flight to Seattle would only take another five hours. That was all the time I had left with her. Everything after that was uncertain. Bella could choose to banish me from her life. She could choose the wolf. I tried to push that particular thought from my mind. Alice had some pretty strong opinions on Jacob Black and his feelings for Bella. It worried me. Had she really moved on? And if she had it was my own fault. It was what I wanted. I pushed all the negative thoughts from my mind I just wanted to be with her for now, just as we were. I held her as close as possible continuing to trace her face and she traced mine in return. Having her hands on my face was heavenly; I never wanted her to stop touching me. I gently placed kisses on her hair, nose and wrists. I didn't kiss her on the lips. I wasn't sure if I would be met with rejection and I didn't think I could handle that just yet. I needed to have the time to beg for her forgiveness, to let her see just how hard it was for me to without her. More importantly I needed her to know that everything that I said to her when I left was untrue. She needed to know that I didn't leave because of her I left for her.

As we approached Seattle the sun shone brightly over the cloud cover. I closed the window before the sun reached my skin. We would soon be on the ground. I didn't know what would happen when we landed but I knew I had to have my say. I had to let her know she was my everything and that I was wrong. I feared the uncertainty of my future but I feared losing Bella forever even more.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N-This is a transitionary chapter before the big confrontation chapter. I hope you like it!! Please remember to review. Thank to all my reviewers you guys are great.!! Saranicole, Yours-for- Eternity, solDios, LaineMichelle, 1stepbehind29, FAllenAngel5439, Feel the Pain, Twilight Chick, and ViscountessKiera.**

**Disclaimer-I don't own any of it.**

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**The plane landed on the ground and I had to release her from my arms. Not having her in my arms made me feel empty. It was almost unbearable. We walked down the long hallway towards the exit, my arm draped around Bella's waist again. It gave me some sense of security to have her close to me. Waiting for us were Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper. I figured my family would be here once Alice had called Jasper to let him know we were alive. I felt a new guilt wash over me as I looked at Esme and Carlisle. Esme stepped forward taking Bella into a hug even though I didn't release her. 

"Thank you so much." She whispered to Bella. Next she threw her arms fiercely around me. The look on Esme's face spoke volumes to the pain I had put her through. Tears would have fallen if she were capable.

"You will never put me through that again." It was the sharpest tone I had ever heard from Esme. Waves of pain and regret washed over me.

"Sorry, Mom," was about all I could say. Next Carlisle spoke to Bella.

"Thank you, Bella. We owe you." Carlisle didn't speak to me out loud at least. He simply said "_nice to have you home._" I assumed he was saving the rest of his thoughts for later. When Bella spoke to Carlisle I realized that her sleepless plane ride had finally caught up to her.

"Hardly," she spoke a sleepy mumble.

"She's dead on her feet." Esme was not pleased with the condition that Bella was in especially because she had risked her life for me. "Let's get her home."

I guided Bella out towards the parking garage only to find Rosalie and Emmett waiting by Carlisle's car. I stiffened immediately I hadn't been expecting to see Rosalie. The anger in me rose up quickly. She only thought of herself when she made that phone call.

"Don't," Esme whispered. "She feels awful."

"She should." I made no attempt to hide my anger. She had been horrible to me since the day Bella first appeared in Forks and she had been even worse to Bella. She took pleasure in that phone call thinking that if Bella were dead I would return to the family.

"It's not her fault," Bella was actually trying to defend Rosalie. She would always surprise me.

"Please let her make amends," Esme pleaded. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."

I pouted. I didn't want anything to do with Rosalie. Then Bella spoke again.

"Please, Edward." It was clear that Bella was willing to ride with Rosalie even though she had been uncomfortable around her. I decided that if Bella were willing to deal with Rosalie then I would make the effort. In the very least we would get to spend time with Emmett. I had missed Emmett and I know he missed Bella. He had always thought of her as a little sister.

"Edward," Rosalie's thoughts were clear. She was sorry but what she did was so inexcusable.

"I know," there was little she could say that would make me forgive her any time soon.

"Bella?" Rosalie spoke softly. There was hesitation in her voice. Rosalie was never good at being humble and this was not easy for her.

"Yes, Rosalie?"

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel so wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me." Rosalie meant every word she said. Her thoughts did not betray her. It was very difficult for her to do this and I was pleased that she made an effort with Bella.

"Of course, Rosalie," Bella spoke in sleepy tones. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you."

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett said with a small chuckle.

"I'm conscious." Bella barely mumbled before she nuzzled closely to my neck and fell fast asleep. I loved having her so close to me.

"Let her sleep." I said gruffly to them. She needed her rest I had a feeling that Charlie would not be as happy to see us or at least me.

It was as bad, if not worse, than what I had imagined. I could hear Charlie's thoughts as we approached the house. He was worried about Bella. Then he saw our car pull up. Charlie swung the door open and stalked toward us. I lifted Bella into my arms and carried her towards Charlie.

"Bella!" the anger was clear in his voice and his thoughts were screaming profanities at me. Charlie hated me and blamed me for everything. He had every right to blame me. Right now though Bella was priority, she needed to sleep and be yelled at later.

"Charlie," Bella was barely awake but she recognized that we were at her house.

"Shh, it's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep." I whispered to Bella trying to ease her anxiety. She would have to face Charlie eventually and he had thoughts of grounding until she was thirty.

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here." Charlie was furious. He had some pretty vivid thoughts involving me and his fists. But he was also panicked. It was the second time Bella had run off because of me. He was afraid one of these times she would run off for good like Renee. I could understand his fear. I was afraid that she would run away from me for good too.

"Stop it, Dad." Bella barely let the words slip through her lips. Charlie didn't hear her and continued his rant as he came closer.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie was close enough to see Bella's pale face and limp body in my arms. A whole new set of thoughts rushed through his mind about Bella's well being.

"She's just very tired Charlie, please let her rest." These were not the words Charlie wanted to hear from me. Charlie preferred for me to be dead amongst the many thoughts going through his head.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Charlie was red in the face and yelling at me. "Give her to me. Get your hands off of her!"

I tried to pass Bella to Charlie but she clung to me. It was the first sign she had shown of wanting to be with me. I found some joy in the gloominess of this situation. Bella may want to be with me. Of course, she could just want to yell at me and tell how much of a jerk she thought I was or she was too unconscious to know what she was doing. Either way I'd take it. It would mean being with her for at least a little longer.

Bella found her voice again. This time she had some authority behind her words. "Cut it out, Dad. Be mad at _me_."

We had made it to the front steps of Bella's house. Charlie was standing between the front door and me. He was not about to let me in his house.

"You bet I will be. Get inside." Charlie was definitely going to ground Bella for life after this.

"Kay, let me down." Bella sighed heavily as I set her on her feet. Her legs were not ready to hold her weight. She tried to take one step forward and quickly began to fall face first toward the pavement. I quickly grabbed her around the waist.

"Just let me get her upstairs and then I'll leave." Charlie wasn't overly excited about letting me in his house but the thought of me leaving made his day. Bella had a completely different reaction.

"No!" Bella was distraught over me leaving and if my heart weren't stone it would have skipped a beat. She didn't want me to leave. This was the second time she had that reaction to the thought of me leaving. It gave me some hope but I was still unsure of her reasons and the fear resurfaced.

"I won't be far," I whispered so only she could hear. And I wouldn't be. I couldn't bear to be away from her even for a minute. Leaving her here would be hard enough. Even if it would only be for a short time I needed her to be close to me. I walked past Charlie and had him direct me to Bella's room. Technically I had never been in to her room or as far as Charlie had known. I carried Bella into her room. I pried Bella's fingers from my shirt and placed her on her bed and covered her in her blankets. I gently placed a kiss on her forehead and walked back down the stairs. Charlie was close behind me trying to decide which thoughts he would actually share with me. None of them were pleasant or polite. He settled on telling me never to step through his door again. I was banned from seeing his daughter. He shared a few other choice words with me and I walked back to the car, still hearing the many thoughts running through Charlie's head. I couldn't blame him; he was only looking out for Bella.

I drove back to the house with Emmett and Rosalie in silence. I would go back to Bella's soon. It was only midday in Forks and Charlie would be watching her like a hawk. I would return tonight when Charlie was a little calmer and a little less likely to check her room every five minutes. Bella would be asleep for hours she wouldn't know I was gone, even though I would. I had to be there when she woke that was critical.

I prepared myself for the conversation Carlisle wanted to have with me. He was angry and hurt but most of all he was concerned with what the Volturi had thought. I walked into the house and Esme hugged tightly once again. The relief to have me home was clear on her face. I was comforted by being back in the big white house by the river. This was my true home.

"_Edward, Carlisle is waiting in his office for you._" I smiled at Esme and walked up to my father's office. I felt guilty for what I had put him through. I knew he was concerned that our relations with the Volturi were in jeopardy. I stopped at the door and knocked once before entering.

"Edward, I am so happy to have you back home. You have no idea the worry you put us through."

"I know I am sorry. I just ….I…." I couldn't find the words to describe all the many feelings that had coursed through me the last few days. The love my life was dead, I attempted suicide and put Bella in danger once again. I slumped down in the chair across from Carlisle, defeated.

"Edward I know this has been a trying few days for you but I need to know what happened in Volterra. I am worried about you. What will happen if Bella decides she can't be with you?"

"I know that it is a possibility. She doesn't have to take me back but there has to be a way."

"I don't know Edward. But you have to promise that you will not do something like this again."

"I won't there is too much to exist for and besides Aro doesn't want me dead. I am too valuable in his eyes. Plus he didn't want to hurt your feelings. He sends his regards."

"Aro was always fond of me. I am grateful he didn't give you what you wanted. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, Edward."

"I'm sorry, Carlisle."

"Did Aro say anything that we need to be concerned about?"

"No. He was perplexed by Bella. Neither he nor Jane could affect her. He was very entertained by the whole thing really. Caius on the other hand was not impressed. He wanted to destroy Bella. Alice had to show Aro that Bella would be changed in order for us to leave."

"He believed that Bella would be changed?"

"Yes, Alice showed him one of her many visions of Bella being like us. He is very excited to see how she turns out."

"Well you and Bella are home safely now. We will deal with the consequences later." Carlisle was hiding his thoughts from me. It was not a good sign for things to come. I excused myself from the room and headed to Bella's. I had been away from her too long. I was getting anxious. I left the house and ran straight to Bella's. I could hear Charlie's thoughts coming from the living room. I quickly pushed Bella's window open and stepped into my one true sanctuary. An amazing calm flowed through my body. I was home.

I sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. I had to be careful of Charlie who repeatedly checked on Bella. Several times I had to duck into the closet avoiding Charlie's interruptions. It was late evening and I didn't know how long Bella would be asleep. I thought long and hard of all the things I needed to tell her. Begging would most likely have to happen. Bella was hesitant every time I touched her and I needed to know why. Had she moved on just like I wanted? I was deep in thought when Bella began to talk in her sleep. The first thing she said would have stopped my heart dead if it still beat. "_Jacob_" The word slipped through her lips and cut me into a thousand pieces. Any doubt I had in my mind had now multiplied ten fold.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- Okay, so here is the first part of the chapter in New Moon called "The Truth". There is a lot of dialogue from the book in this section so please bear with me. I tried to put as much of Edward's thoughts into it as possible. I hope you like it . thanks again to everyoe who took time to review my story it means a lot to me and it keeps me motivated to write knowing how people feel about it. **

**Disclaimer: It's all Stephenie Meyer's.**

**PS- This is pretty long. Enjoy!!**

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I sat there thinking of all the implications of Bella saying Jacob's name. It couldn't be. How could she have moved on with a werewolf? She was supposed to move on and have a _normal _human life not get involved with a werewolf. Jacob was my enemy not through any fault of his own but through nature itself. We were created to destroy each other. Charlie's approaching footsteps disrupted my train of thought. He checked on Bella once more before heading to bed.

Charlie's thoughts were different from earlier in the day. He was no longer angry, he was concerned. I saw clearly in Charlie's thoughts the zombie that Bella had become. The week she didn't do anything and the pain Charlie suffered watching his daughter fall apart. Bella didn't take phone calls, barely ate, and never smiled or laughed. She didn't even listen to music anymore. Anything that had to do with me she avoided. What had I done? Charlie hated me for very good reasons. The pain I could see in Charlie's thoughts broke me. Charlie also had thoughts of Jacob Black. He obviously was on everyone's mind this evening. I wanted to block them out but decided to torture myself instead. Charlie thought highly of Jacob but he hadn't treated Bella well recently and Charlie was concerned about that relationship as well. I guess if I was looking for hope there it was. Soon Charlie was fast asleep. I contemplated all the things I had heard. I had destroyed her with the best of intentions.

I curled up in the rocking chair pondering how I could make things right. She doubted my love and that was insufferable. I agonized over the words I had used to make her doubt me, _I don't want you._ How could she believe that but more importantly how could I convince her I didn't mean it. Once words are spoken it is impossible to take them back. I sat there for awhile longer pitying myself. I felt lonely and it was hard to watch her sleep when all I wanted to do was touch her. I slide into the bed next to her and gently wrapped my arms around her. It was heaven. I couldn't want for anything more during that moment. I laid there for an infinite amount of time listening to her breath and taking in her scent. It was everything I remembered it to be and more.

Bella sighed heavily in her sleep. I wished I could know what she was thinking. Then as if Bella knew what I was thinking she spoke "_Jacob, I have to go._" I stopped breathing and my body stiffened. Again I was racked with pain and regret. I couldn't believe for the second time in one night she said his name. She used to say my name nightly and now the wolf had taken my place. Jealousy raged inside me. I willed her to remember her love for me but it seemed a fruitless effort.

Bella continued saying "_Jacob, I have to go_" for what seemed like an eternity. Her voice started to get angry as she said it. The next thing she said caught my attention immediately, "_I love him_." I wanted to shake her and scream who, who do you love? And then she said it "_Edward._" I didn't trust my ears at first. Had she finally spoken my name or was it merely a trick of my imagination? I didn't have to wait long to find out. "_Edward, don't go._" The emotions rushed through me. I couldn't decide which emotion was the strongest hope or fear. Yes, she had said my name but I still didn't know why she didn't want me to leave. Then I realized it didn't matter.

I whispered back "I'm not going anywhere, ever." I could sense by Bella's body movements and breathing that she was waking up. I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect. I waited patiently for her to open her eyes. She didn't. Her facial expressions suggested that she was struggling to keep her eyes closed. I gently placed my lips on her forehead. I wanted to coax her into opening her eyes. I wanted to be lost in the depths of them. Bella sighed heavily and opened her eyes.

"Oh!" she breathed and shoved her fists in her eyes, almost to wipe the image of me away. I leaned in close to her face willing her to move her fists so I could look into her eyes. She opened them again and looked at me, slightly surprised.

"Did I frighten you?" I was anxious. Everything over the last few days had lead to this moment. I was with her and it was time to face my fears. I watched Bella closely. The expression changed on her face so many times it was hard to tell what she was thinking and it frustrated me to no end.

"Oh, crap." Great that was her first impression of seeing me in her bed.

"What's wrong, Bella?" She frowned at me. Concern showed on my face, I was sure of it.

"I'm dead, right? I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is going to kill Charlie." Her first thought at seeing me was that she was dead. The pain grew deeper and spread throughout my whole being. She thought she was dead because she was with me. A deep frown crossed my lips.

"You're not dead."

"Then why am I not waking up?" Bella went from thinking she was dead to thinking she was having a nightmare. I was a terrifying monster and somewhere in her subconscious she knew it.

"You are awake, Bella." She shook her head trying to clear the haze of sleep that still clouded it.

"Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. If I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…." She stopped after Jake. I needed to convince she was awake and alive. And what was the comment about being worse when she woke up. What would be worse?

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare." A small smile crossed my face. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit any murders while I was away?"

"Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me." A weighted sigh escaped me. She wasn't listening. Then she looked away from me to the open window. When she looked back at me a blush had started to stain her checks. I loved that blush.

"Did all of that really happen, then?"

"That depends. If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange, I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?" I rolled my eyes. I should have known she would find a way to lessen the danger we had been in.

"Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore. What time is it? How long have I been asleep?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours." It had seemed like an eternity for me, waiting patiently for her to wake. She stretched her body and the sight of her made my body feel alive.

"Charlie?" She asked with some concern. I frowned remembering all the things he thought of me. Then there was the pain I now knew for sure I had caused Bella.

"Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came through the window…..But, still, the intent was clear."

Disbelief crossed Bella's face quickly and fury soon replaced it. "Charlie banned you from the house?" Her anger could be taken as a good sign. Maybe she wanted me in her house.

"Did you expect anything less?" I was troubled again by the memories of pain Charlie had inadvertently shared with me.

"What's the story?"

"What do you mean?" The story of why I left was a long but I was ready to tell it if she wanted to listen. Some how that didn't seem to be what she was asking.

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for….how long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days. Actually I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing." I smile weakly. I had all night to think and a cover story never crossed my mind.

"Fabulous." She groaned and rolled her eyes. I could only think of her beauty as I looked at her.

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something." I am sure Alice could figure out something after all she was the one who took Bella.

"So," she seemed to be choosing her words carefully and I didn't know what to expect. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?" She thinks that I was busy distracting myself, the hesitation gave her away. How could I ever undo the doubt I had put in her mind.

"Nothing terribly exciting." I couldn't tell her the whole truth, not yet.

"Of course not," she wasn't impressed with that answer. She even made a face. Typical Bella and I couldn't get enough of it.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well….if you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination but must used up." She still thought she was dreaming, only Bella.

"If I tell you, will finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" She wasn't impressed with my choice of words but thought carefully about what I was offering. "Maybe, if you tell me."

"I was….hunting." It was the best I could come up with. It wasn't a lie it just wasn't the whole truth. Bella seemed suspicious.

"Is that the best you can do? That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake." She was criticizing me with some teasing in her tone.

I hesitated. How was I going to explain this? Even though I wasn't with her, I was still motivated to protect her. "I wasn't hunting for food…..I was actually trying my hand at……tracking. I'm not very good at it." I wasn't good at it at all look how close Victoria had come. It pained me to think of this. I could tell Bella wasn't about to let this go she was curious as usual.

"What were you tracking?"

"Nothing of consequence." How could I tell her how much of a failure I was? I had failed her in every way possible. It hurt to know that Victoria had come close to her. I was a poor excuse for a boyfriend, if that's what I still was.

"I don't understand."

I had to tell her, the time for secrets was over. She had to know how sorry I was. The anguish of discussing my failure was written on my face. "I- deep breathe to stead myself. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know"- I started to speak so fast the words blurred together. I had to get this out quickly so it wouldn't hurt as much kind of like pulling off a band aide. In a sense that is exactly what I was doing, showing her all my wounds from the numerous mistakes I had made, exposing her to my flaws –"that I had no idea. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria"-just saying the name pained me –would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had that kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now –she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him- that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there."

I had started, it was time to put all the cards on the table and see what was left for us. "Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice – what she saw herself- when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself"- I shuddered at the thought of Jacob Black protecting Bella instead of me. "Please know I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for"-

"Stop!" I stared at her with tortured eyes. I had only just begun to describe how much I loathed myself when she had interrupted. She paused for an eternity. "Edward," it was said in such a small voice. She sounded pained to say my name. What had I done to this beautiful girl? "This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this….. your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is not your fault, it's just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it's your….your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible- think of Esme and Carlisle and"-

Bella paused and look like she might burst into tears. I couldn't believe what she was saying. Did she actually think that I only went to Italy out of guilt? I felt annihilated. She was trying to set me free but I would forever be a prison to love. I was allowing her to do this not until she heard it all, every secret and whisper of love I had to share with her. I put on my most stern adult voice, one I had heard Esme use many times and spoke to her to.

"Isabella Marie Swan, do you believe I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt _guilty_?"

Confusion clouded her beautiful features, "Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend." I still feel guilty to the very core of my being if only she could love me again.

"Then….what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," just saying the words brought back all the images of her being cold and still. It pained me so much to think it. "Even if I had no hand in your death"- the word made my whole body shudder, it was so hard to say, to use as a description of Bella. "Even if it wasn't my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful- I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I suppose to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?" And it wasn't the boy who had told me it was the wolf. The wolf that was my competition for something more important than my existence, for Bella's love was the reason for my being. I thought about it for a moment did Jacob know it was me. Did he say those things out of spite knowing the consequences of his words? "The odds…." It was almost impossible for Jacob to know but still such an unusual coincidence. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand. That's my whole point. So what?" So what, so what!! The voice in my head was escalating.

"Excuse me?"

"So what if I was dead?" I stared at her uncertainly. She was obviously trying to make this hard for me and that was what I deserved. But I could never want her dead. She thought it meant nothing to me if she were gone. I thought I had explained myself but once the seeds of doubt are planted, the roots take hold and consume what use to be there.

"Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember _everything_ that you told me." Then I realized the error in my statement. Bella remembered only the things I told her when I left, hateful ugly words I used to create doubt. They overshadowed the love I showered her with and still felt for her. I brushed my finger along her lower lip. I needed to touch her. I wanted her to feel the love I felt for her and understand.

"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." I closed my eyes and shook my head in frustration. I needed to find a way to convince her. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am…..confused."

I stared deeply into her eyes wondering what I would find there. I found understanding and wanting, if not for me then at least for the truth. It was time to tell her all of it, the lying, and the pain, all of it. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be." She froze at my words. I shook her gently to relax her. She needed to hear everything I had to say. She needed to understand. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I could feel my face fall at the memory of how easy it was for her to doubt me. I winced at the pain of that still too vivid memory. "That was….excruciating."

I continued trying to focus on what I needed to say. "When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye- you weren't going to let go. I could see that. I didn't want to do it- it felt like it would kill me to do it- but I thought that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," she barely whispered the words. She did remember and it clearly brought her more pain.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible- that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry- sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you and it didn't work. I'm sorry." And I was so truly sorry I hoped she understood the gravity of my words. I couldn't tell by the look on her face so I continued. "But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could let one word break your faith in me?" It was a valid question. I needed an answer. Did she not love me as much as I hoped? It was so hard to tell she just sat there looking at me.

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept- as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you." It would be like her not needing air to breathe. She was a fundamental part of my existence that I couldn't survive without. She froze at my words. I don't know what made her tense up whether it was my words or the painful memories. I softly shook her by the shoulders refocusing her attention to our conversation.

"Bella, really what were you thinking!" She started to cry and I cursed myself for putting her through this. Truth be told I wasn't sure why she was crying. But I knew that every tear drop was a pin prick to my being.

"I knew it, I knew I was dreaming."

"You're impossible," I couldn't help but chuckle once. She still didn't want to believe I was here or that what I was saying was real. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here and I love you. I have always loved you, and will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the blackest kind of blasphemy."

Bella shook her head, all the while tears streaming down her face. She was broken and I wanted to steal her pain away. The pain I had caused.

"You don't believe me do you? Why can you believe the lie but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me." Her voice broke as she spoke and so did my heart. "I always new that." I narrowed my eyes on her and thought long and hard on my next move. There was one way. I had to kiss her. Her lips would not betray her.

"I'll prove you're awake." I cupped Bella's beautiful face in my hands and moved my lips towards hers. She tried to turn away from me. I didn't understand her reasoning but I had to know.

"Please don't."

"Why not?"

"When I wake up"- I started to protest and she changed tack- "okay forget that one- when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too." She seemed pain as she spoke. I pulled back just enough so I could see into her eyes. I would find the truth there.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so …hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be…quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please- just tell now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I had put everything on the line and she could break me with a single word. She could banish me from her life and I would deserve it.

"What kind of idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it. Please." There was a hint of impatience in my voice. I needed to know.

"The way I feel a bout you will never change. Of course I love you- and there's nothing you can do about it." Oh yes, indeed there was something I could do about.

"That's all I needed to hear." I leaned forward and touched my lips to hers. The kiss started off gently, and grew more passionate with each second. I threw all the careful boundaries away and deepened the kiss. Bella responded by moving her fingers over my face. Her caress was heavenly. Her soft full lips quivered softly beneath mine, her heart beat erratically as my cool fingers caressed her face. Our bodies were so close together I could feel every curve of her warm, soft body. For a brief moment when our lips were apart I whispered her name and began the kiss again.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- I know this is shorter than usual but I had to study for a World History midterm (blah). I am also going to Nashville to the big Twilight signing. YAY!!! So it might take awhile for the next chapter. Sorry. However I feel bad that I haven't been able to update as much as usual so I am going to post something I have been working on that is basically chapter 3 of New Moon from Edward's POV.** **It is called Darkness. It should post right after this. Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate it!! Thanks to all those who took time to review. Please do it again I promise I will write The Vote soon. **

**Disclaimer: It's all Stephenie's**

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The kiss continued to build in passion. I wanted this and so much more. I felt relief for the first time since Bella woke up. She loved me not the wolf. I couldn't contain myself. I realized that Bella probably needed air, so I reluctantly moved my lips from hers and laid my head against her chest. Her heart beat was erratic and her breathing was heavy. This was pure bliss. Everything I had dreamed of the last six months came true in a matter of minutes. I sat there thinking of everything Bella had said before the kiss and realized she still thought I would leave. 

"By the way I'm not leaving you." I waited for her response, some sort of excitement or recognition that this was fact. She sat in silence and I took that as a bad sign. I lifted my head off her chest reluctantly and gazed deeply into her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you." I changed my tone to be more serious so that she would understand the gravity of my words. "I only left in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you- keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only you could be more important than what I wanted…..what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay- thank heavens for that! It seems you can't be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us." I was grateful for that fact. I was not the cause of Bella's dangerous life. Fate played a bigger role in the danger brought upon her than I did.

"Don't promise me anything." She whispered softly almost as if she didn't mean to say it out loud. Bella didn't believe me and she had every reason not to. It didn't stop me from being angry, but not at her. I was angry at me. I had put all the doubt firmly in her mind and I could spend an eternity trying to remove it.

"You think I am lying to you now?"

"No- not lying." She paused and shook her head. I wish I knew what was going through her head. It pained me to watch her analyze everything we had. "You could mean it…..now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper decides to take another snap at me?" I winced at her last statement. I didn't know how to get past all the bad things that had happened. How would Jasper, my family, live down all the things that had caused me to leave? I wouldn't leave no matter what; even if she kicked me out I would watch over her forever.

"It isn't has if you hadn't thought the first decision through, it is? You'll end up doing what you think is right." She had guessed, there was no way she could have known. Bella was always so observant; I should have expected she would know. It had taken me days to let her go. At first, I wasn't sure if I could really do it but day after day I told myself that I had to for her sake. If only I could show her how hard it was for me. She might understand then. I had some idea of how hard it was for her and it pained me to think about it. The only option I had was to try and explain what my existence was without her, if you could call it an existence. Besides I would never be strong enough to leave again.

"I am not as strong as you give me credit for. Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through one hour. It was only a matter of time- and not much of it- before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that." I would beg, I would plead, I would even gravel if it would make her feel better, if it would make her believe me.

"Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am. Will you please try to hear what I am telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?" I had to choose the perfect words. I had to find some way to make her understand the pain I went through being away from her. I needed her to know the depth of my love. It was endless. I watched her expression closely to make sure she knew what I was about to say was important.

"Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." My existence ended the day I left her and hadn't truly begun again until my lips touched hers. She renewed my reasons for existing. I always knew she was the reason, I just needed to be reminded.

"Your eyes will adjust." She couldn't mean that.

"That's just the problem- they can't." My existence would be nothing but darkness without her, I knew this for sure.

"What about your distractions?" She still doubted me. Couldn't she see there was nothing this world could hold that would distract me from her? A humorless laugh escaped me before I explained what little distraction there was for me.

"Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the …the agony. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone-like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you." Everything that made me feel human, that made this existence worth while. I left it all behind the second I walked away from her.

"That's funny." How could she find my pain funny?

"Funny?"

"I meant strange-I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She breathed in deeply to prove to herself and to me that she could do it effortlessly now. "And my heart. That was definitely lost." I could clearly hear the rhythmic beating of her heart. It was found. I laid my ear against her chest to hear the beating of her heart and to feel her warmth. She let her cheek fall against my hair and I could hear her breathing in my scent. This was all I ever needed. Lying in her arms, drowning in her warmth was perfection.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?"

"No, that was never a distraction. It was an obligation." It was the only thing I had that still connected me to her while I was away.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, that even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with…..Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I tracked her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil- and really she came here." I groaned in frustration at the thought of what could have happened. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears-" I couldn't think about what would have happened if Jacob hadn't been protecting Bella when I should have been. I had left her and Victoria, she was so close to hurting my Bella.

"You were hunting Victoria?" Bella shrieked, practically waking Charlie up.

"Not well," she seemed displeased by my efforts but I wouldn't let her down again. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

"That is….out of the question!"

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after-" She tried to hurt Bella and if she had found Bella she would have tortured her.

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave? That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?" The doubt was back in her voice.

A growl built up in chest. I needed her to understand. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria is going to die soon."

"Let's not be hasty. Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria." I could hear the panic in her voice, she didn't hide it very well even though she tried.

"It's true. The werewolves are a problem," especially Jacob. I knew for sure that there would come a time that he and I would have to talk. I owed him my thanks.

"I wasn't talking about Jacob. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble." Bella seemed amused that I thought the wolves were the worst of her problems. I was now curios what her worst problem was. I was going to protest about the wolves but I thought better of it. I had a bad feeling about what Bella considered her worst problem to be.

I spoke through clenched teeth. "Really? Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison."

"How about the second greatest?"

"All right." I really didn't like where this was headed.

"There are others who are coming to look for me."

I let a deep sigh escape me. "The Volturi are only the second greatest?"

"You don't seem that upset about it."

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again." It really would be that long. Bella would have a long happy human life. Everything would be fine. I looked at Bella and realized she had tears welling up in her eyes. I wondered if she feared the arrival of the Volturi. They would never find her. I would make sure of that. No one would harm Bella again. Part of me did wonder if that was why she was really crying or if it had something to do with me. I couldn't watch her cry. I wanted to hold her and make all the pain go away.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok sorry it took so long to update. I have been really busy with the trip to Nashville then Thanksgiving and the dreaded holiday shopping. But Finally here is chapter ten. Thank you to all who reviewed last time. I really enjoy knowing what people think about the story. I am curious to know what everyone thinks about this chapter. Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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What could I have said to make Bella cry? I knew the Volturi were scary but I would protect her. "You don't have to be afraid. I won't let them hurt you." I didn't want to see Bella cry. It broke me more and more each time she shed tears over me or the situation I had put her in.

"While you're here," she said accusingly.

This had to stop. I needed her to understand I would never leave her again. I gently took her face in my hands and stared into the depths of her beautiful brown eyes. "I will never leave you again." Then, as only Bella can do, she shocked me with her words.

"But you said thirty! What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

This was the dreaded topic. Not the Volturi wanting her changed or dead, but turning thirty. She wanted me to change her and I couldn't do it. It had caused so many fights before I left and now it started all over again. "That's exactly what I am going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul." I couldn't condemn her to an eternity of damnation. I loved her. I loved her enough to know this was not the life I wanted for her.

"Is this really….." Bella was trying to ask a question but it clearly pained her to do so. I brought all of this on her and even though she took me back I would have to live with the constant questioning and my own guilt forever. I waited patiently for her question but it didn't come. I tried to coax it out of her gently.

"Yes"

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?" Tears streamed down Bella's face as she asked these questions. It was so hard to see her upset over such trivial things. I leaned in close to her and brushed the tears away from her cheeks with my lips. It was the most amazing sensation.

"That doesn't mean anything to me." I breathed gently on her skin. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course….." I paused; the next part scared me to say. If she agreed with it I would be broken all over again. "If you outgrew _me-_if you wanted something more- I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

"You do realize I will die eventually, right?" Bella demanded. She was always so cute when she was angry. I still wished I could have calmed her fears in some small way.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can." It would not be easy but I would find a way to follow her. Existing without her was not option I would choose again.

"That is seriously…….sick." Bella was not impressed with this decision.

"Bella it is the only right way left-" I knew what she wanted but I couldn't do it. I couldn't take her soul.

"Let's just back up for a minute." There was anger in her voice and she seemed to have found strength in that. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm thirty," Bella sounded really angry, she really didn't like the thought of thirty. Note to self never refer to thirty again. "Do you really think they'll forget?"

"No," I shook my head, they wouldn't forget. Aro had found a new pet interest and would not let it go. There was always a way around it, there had to be. "They won't forget but…."

"But?" The anger flew out of Bella unlike I had ever seen.

"I have a few plans." I said confidently.

"And these plans," her anger grew with every word. She was never this angry when we talked before. "These plans all center around me staying _human._"

"Naturally." I was more than capable of out smarting the Volturi. She highly underestimated me and her tone was getting to me. We stared at each other for a long moment. Then Bella pushed my arms away and sat up. I was startled by her response and afraid it was all too much for her.

"Do you want me to leave?" I knew I didn't hide the pain on my face well when I asked this question. I didn't want to be away from her.

"No, I'm leaving." I watched her fumble from the bed in search of her shoes. What was she up to? I had a very bed feeling about this.

"May I ask where you are going?"

"I'm going to your house." My house? Maybe she wanted to talk with Alice. I couldn't imagine another reason for her retreating to my house of all places.

I moved to her side and found her shoes. The last thing I wanted her to do was wake Charlie up. "Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?'

"My truck." She obviously hadn't thought this through. All that noise would alert Charlie of her escape.

"That will probably wake Charlie."

"I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?" Bella wasn't looking at the whole picture. If it had to do with me Charlie would blame me. He already hated that fact that I was back in Forks never mind near Bella. He would seriously come after me if Bella fled one more time on my account.

"None. He'll blame me not you."

"If you have a better idea I'm all ears." Something was possessing Bella. There was a reason for this behavior that I was unaware of and I started to get the felling it had nothing to do with Alice. I had to talk some sense into her.

"Stay here." It was simple enough and I could always hope that she would actually listen to me for a change.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home." She was teasing me. It is strange how comfortable we were in each others presence after everything we had been through. I loved this and yet I didn't want her to go to my house. I had to try and persuade her to stay. She made a move for the door but I was much faster and blocked her way. Bella then decided that the window might be a feasible escape route. My mind conjured up horrible visions of Bella trying to climb out the window. I caved. There was nothing that would stop her.

"Okay," I sighed heavily in defeat, "I'll give you a ride."

"Either way," Bella seemed indifferent to my offer. "But you probably should be there, too."

Bella had an ominous tone to her voice. Something was definitely up and I was missing it. "And why is that?"

"Because you are extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views." I really didn't like where this was going. There was really only one thing I could think of that I would have such a strong opinion on.

"My views on which subject?" My teeth were clenched as I spoke in preparation for the answer I knew would follow.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know." This was definitely not going in a good direction. And what did she mean I wasn't the center of the universe anymore, when had I been the center of the universe. "If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say." No, no, no, my mind screamed knowing exactly where this was headed and not liking it one bit. She could be so stubborn.

I spoke each word distinctly in order to remain calm. "A say in what?"

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote." No! My mind screamed in rebuttal. I didn't argue though for fear of breaking our still fragile relationship. It would be fine, my family knew how I felt about changing her they would support me. I could appease her and win this fight all at the same time. I knew that my face did not hide the displeasure I felt. I quickly picked Bella up in my arms and leapt out the window. It was odd that after all the time we had spent together I had never taken Bella out the window. I guess I never really had a reason to before.

"All right then, up you go." The disapproval was clear in my voice and I made no attempt to hide it. I helped Bella onto my back then took off running. It was amazing how wonderful it felt to have Bella's arms around me while running through the blackness of the night. Everything was rushing by in a blur and then Bella did the most amazing thing, she pressed her lips to my neck. It was amazing the sensations the smallest touch could induce.

"Thank you. Does that mean you've decided your awake?" She laughed. The beautiful sound eased what few fears I had. This would work, it had to.

"Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn your trust back somehow even if it's my final act." I had to. Every time I heard the doubt in Bella's voice it brought the pain and the guilt back. I had changed her, not in the way she wanted, but enough that it was noticeable to anyone her knew her. She trusted no one, not even herself and I had caused that.

"I trust you, it's me I don't trust."

"Explain that, please." She had confused me. I had given her no sound reason to trust me again and yet she trusted me before she trusted herself. The house was close by and I slowed down so that she could finish explaining. I wanted to hear what she had to say on this matter and part of me wanted to postpone the talk we were about to have with my family.

"Well…." Bella struggled with the words she wanted to use. "I don't trust myself to be….enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you." Nothing about her that could hold me, everything about her bonded me to her forever. She never saw herself clearly. Her beauty alone was enough to captivate almost anyone then add in all the things that I found special, her warmth, and the soft lines of her body and of course her blush. I reached around and gently pulled her from my back. I held Bella tightly to my chest.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable. Never doubt that." I realized then that Bella had never told me what her greatest problem was and it was becoming clearer to me what it might be. I decided now was as good a time as any to ask. "You never did tell me….." It was harder than I thought to say the words. I feared the answer more than I had originally thought.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

"I'll give you one guess." She sighed heavily and reached up to gently touch her finger tip to my nose.

I nodded. I knew this would be the answer but I wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting. "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that." Bella rolled her eyes at me.

"The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." I watched her with tense eyes, what could I possibly do that was worse than kill her and this was something I could possibly do if I wasn't mindful every moment I was with her. "You can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that." My face contorted involuntarily to reflect that agony I felt. She feared me leaving more than death. If I were to find anything good in that fact it would be that I knew for certain her love for me was deeper than I could have imagined. Only the fear of losing true love would make death inconsequential.

"Don't," Bella whispered trying to console me. "Don't be sad." I raised the corner of my lips trying to put her mind at ease but it didn't make either one of us feel better.

"If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

"Okay." Bella agreed to this. She was willing to let me try. I could live with that. I would put everything I had into making her smile on the daily basis. There were so many things I wanted to do for her. I wanted to take her on a trip past Albuquerque that she would remember and enjoy, I wanted to see her graduate, and I wanted to hold her in my arms every night and to be honest I wanted more. Bella had agreed to time and that was the best thing she could have offered me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Ok So here is what I have written so far for the vote. I didn't want to leave you guys with nothing so I will update agian soon. I need to finish tweaking the rest of it. Hope you like it please review**.

**Disclaimer: All recognizable plot characters and setting are property of Stephenie Meyer**.

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Even though she had given me time I still felt tormented by the pain I had caused her. I guess time would heal my pain the way it would heal hers. Bella disrupted my thoughts with a question.

"So- since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?"

I laughed at the memory. It was one of the few from that day that didn't destroy me at the thought. I hid them I couldn't help myself. I wanted her to feel my presence as ridiculous as that may seem. "Your things were never gone." Bella's face looked shocked, in a pleasant way, as I admitted this. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets-they're all under your floorboards."

"Really?" I nodded in response to Bella. I found some small joy in the fact that Bella liked that I had left her reminders even if they were hidden.

"I think," she contemplated, "I'm not sure, but I wonder…I think maybe I knew the whole time." What did she know exactly? Did she finally figure out that I loved her no matter what I said?

"What did you know?" I asked hoping to finally have her realize the depth if my love.

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices." Did she say she was hearing voices? This was something I hadn't known and I was very curious to know what it was all about.

"Voices?" I said flatly. What could possible make her hear voices?

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story." She heard my voice. I was very curious what prompted her to hear my voice. What sort of psychological break had I caused her? I had done so much more damage than I had previously thought. She wasn't going to get away with not telling me what had happened to cause her to hear voices.

"I've got time." I said evenly to hide my concern.

"It's pretty pathetic." I waited patiently for her to continue. She was uncertain of how to tell me, that much was clear.

"Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?" How could I forget all the dangerous things she had done while I was away.

"You jumped off a cliff for fun." I tried to keep my voice steady. I wanted her to finish her story. I knew in someway I had caused all of this. I needed to know exactly how bad everything was so I could fix it some how.

"Er, right. Before that with the motorcycle.."

""Motorcycle?" I knew nothing about motorcycle and I was beginning to have trouble hiding my concern. The thought of Bella on a motorcycle terrified me.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No." This ought to be good. Bella was now completely uncomfortable talking about this and she hid more things from me. I was worried this was going to be bad.

"Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid …I could remember you more clearly." Bella wasn't looking at me as if she were ashamed of what she was saying. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much- it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt." She was speaking so quickly. I couldn't believe what she was saying. "And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always new that you hadn't stopped loving me."

She had done all this, put her life in constant danger, just to hear my voice. This may have been worse than everything else put together, the nightmares, the friendship with Jacob, it was nothing compared to her doing dangerous, crazy things to hear my voice. I could barely speak. I was gripped with a pain I thought I had buried. "You…were…risking your life…to hear…"

"Shh," she interrupted me. She had a look of dawning on her face like something had suddenly become very clear. Maybe she finally realized how ridiculous all the dangerous things she had done were. Maybe she realized I wasn't worth all the things she had done. "Hold on a second. I think I am having an epiphany here." Bella continued to look deep in thought as if she were trying to figure something out.

"Oh!"

"Bella?" Her response was so odd.

"Oh. Okay. I see." She still wasn't making any sense and it made me nervous.

"Your epiphany?" My voice was uneven when I spoke giving away my insecurity.

"You love me," the words were like music to my ears. Bella sounded marveled at the fact that this could be true. A crooked smile played across my lips.

"Truly, I do." Finally Bella understood. I am not sure what made her realize it but I was grateful. I took Bella's face in my hands and pressed my lips firmly to hers. I kissed her has deeply as possible without losing complete control. I could feel the warmth from her lips spread through my body. I released her with great reluctance and rested my forehead on hers. To my surprise Bella was not the only one breathing heavy. Even though I didn't need to breath Bella managed to take my breath away. It was time for more confessions on my part. "You were better at it than I was, you know."

"Better at what?" Bella asked with a confused look on her face.

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was…totally useless. I couldn't be around my family- I couldn't be around anyone. I am embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too." If Bella only knew just how truly awful it was for me. I was pathetic, everything she did paled in comparison to my lack of will to exist. She at least functioned, I couldn't even do that. She was so much stronger than I could ever be. I looked at Bella lovingly. She didn't seem disturbed my confession if anything she seemed comforted.

"I only heard one voice," she corrected me playfully.

I laughed and pulled her to my side, leading her forward. It was time to bring her to my family for this ridiculous idea of voting on her mortality. "I'm just humoring you with this." I motion forward, with my free hand, toward the house. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say." My family would not vote against my wishes. Bella was my responsibility. I had brought her into this. My family had followed my wishes before and there was no reason for them to change now. I had made a bad choice when I decided that leaving Bella was the right thing to do. They didn't agree with me, especially Alice, but they followed my wishes. They would do the same now. They understood I couldn't take her soul. I said these things to reassure myself in some small way that I was right. I had to be right.

"This affects them now, too." I shrugged indifferently. We entered the house and I turned on the lights.

In a normal tone I called for family. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" They would hear and to be honest I was surprised Alice wasn't waiting at the door for us. She must have seen this coming. Carlisle was the first to arrive in the living room.

"Welcome back, Bella," he smiled at her, truly happy to have his family back together. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, this is not purely a social visit?" Indeed it was not. I hoped the others would soon be down so we could get this over with.

"I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important." Bella looked up at me to see what my expression was. Carlisle was already bombarding me with questions. _Edward what's going? Is everything okay with the two of you?_ I nodded so quickly I don't think Bella even noticed. Of course everything was ok. Bella loved me still and we would get past this need of hers to be condemned to a life of damnation.

"Of course," Carlisle replied. "Why don't we talk in the other room?" Carlisle led us to the dining room. Carlisle then pulled out the chair at the head of the table for Bella to sit in. As soon as Bella was sitting the rest of the family was filing into the dining room. Alice was grinning from ear to ear, she definitely knew what was going on. The others however were full of questions. _What is going? _Jasper was curious about the impromptu meeting._ Edward, I hope this is happy news?_ Esme was always in the role of mother. _Edward, is she_ _angry with me?_ Rosalie was concerned that Bella had realized everything was her fault and had come to make her pay for it. It just showed how little Rosalie knew of Bella's character. Carlisle finally started the family meeting. Family, Bella was my family and she was human. It's hard to believe this was all possible.

"The floor is yours."

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**I know horrible place to end. I promise to update again soon I had finals today so I should have more time to write now that they're done. please review.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Ok so here is the long awaited Vote. I hope I did it justice and Aine of Knockaine this is for you cosidering how patient you have been. I hope you all like it. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks to you all who reviewed the last chapter and the whole story really. Happy Holidays!!!**

**Dsiclaimer: All characters, plot ans setting belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infirngement is intended. **

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Bella looked nervous as she began to address the family. I reached for her hand under the table and held it tightly. She was still the bravest girl I ever knew, human or otherwise. I focused on my family preparing to hear their thoughts on this matter. Only one opinion could matter more than mine. The others had no real say. Carlisle, he was the head of the family in every way, both father and leader. His opinion mattered and could overrule mine. But he couldn't, he wouldn't possibly go against my wishes. He knew how I felt and he would respect that. My face was set in a fearsome expression looking out at my family waiting for Bella to reveal the reason we were here.

"Well, I am hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice assured her with a smile. She was enjoying this. She wanted Bella for a sister almost as much I wanted Bella all for myself. But where I had hesitation she did not. Not since the first time she saw me changing her in a vision. Alice never looked back from that point on in her mind Bella would always be one of us.

"And on the way?" Bella asked uncertainly.

"That, too," Alice nodded. She was trying not to think about that conversation on the way, but unfortunately for her, Emmett gave her away. ALICE HAD OFFERED TO CHANGE BELLA! She said she would do it. She was officially in serious trouble. No wonder Bella was feeling more confident about talking to my whole family. She already had one blessing why not put it to a vote.

"Good. Then we are all on the same page." Bella took a moment to compose herself and slowly began to speak. "So I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I am sure that's a bad thing something to avoid" I took an account of everyone's thoughts at this point.

Esme_: I have always wanted to see you happy Edward. She is what you want, and she wants this life. _Leave it to Esme to know I'd be checking.

Emmett: _She's the best little sister a guy could ask for. The Volturi coming for a visit, we could have fun with that. _I could capitalize on Emmett's last thought. He was always looking for some good competition.

Jasper: _So much of this is my fault. I brought this on the family by not being able to control myself. _I would have to talk to Jasper later about that one. He's not the one who went to the Volturi. That was all me and I would have to live with the consequences. I was the one who had brought this on my family, not him.

Rosalie: _I hope she hasn't changed her mind about forgiving me. _Typical, Rosalie still was thinking about herself.

Alice: _You already know what I think Edward. Stop prying. _Alice and I were going to have a long talk about this when all was said and done. How could she offer to change Bella? She knew all of my feelings and reasons for wanting this, yet she still over stepped her boundaries. I know Alice believes that Bella will be a part of this family no matter what but after everything that has happened she should realize her visions aren't always correct. I am grateful to Alice for everything she did in Volterra and making sure Bella was okay, but it doesn't make it right for her to interfere in this matter.

I saved Carlisle for last, not intentionally of course or maybe intentionally. What he thought mattered most. And everyone, including Bella, knew this.

Carlisle: _I wonder what the others are thinking about this situation. _Carlisle was not thinking any of his own thoughts on this subject. He just kept pondering what the others were thinking. This made me nervous. Was it possible for a vampire to feel nauseas?

"And so, now, this involves all of you. I'm sorry about that." Bella looked around at each one them and then at me. I was frowning at the thoughts I had found but especially at Carlisle's avoidance of thinking about his personal opinions. It also bothered me that Bella was apologizing for my mistakes. I had brought the Volturi down on this family not her. It was my fault that Bella even had to question her mortality. "But if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not." Esme went to speak but Bella held her hand up to stop her. "Please let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then…then I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here._" A low growl built in my chest. She never mentioned going back to Italy, and it would never happen. Was she crazy; did she think I would actually let her go?

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." I listened in on everyone's thoughts.

Emmett: _Hell yes, it's about time little brother gets what he wants. Even if he doesn't believe he wants it._

Jasper: _It would be so much safer for all of us, but especially Bella._

Esme: _She is the daughter I have always wanted, and Edward needs her. _

Alice: _It's what she wants Edward. She wants to be with you forever._

Rosalie: _How could she choose this for herself? Why does she want this life?_ That thought caught me off guard. Rosalie wasn't thinking of herself but of Bella, interesting.

Again I saved Carlisle for last. Again he was just thinking about the others and of Bella's bravery for coming here to talk with us like this. He had not _one_ thought about changing Bella. He was getting good at hiding his thoughts. This unnerved me. If Carlisle didn't want to change Bella than his thoughts would be clear. He must be thinking something he doesn't want me to know. He can't go against my wishes, Bella is my responsibility. I did this to our family. My rashness has put everyone in danger including Bella. There has to be a way to make this right, one that doesn't include Bella becoming one of the eternally damned.

Bella gestured toward Carlisle to begin. I couldn't let him go first and I still had to have my say on this topic. I found it interesting that Bella chose Carlisle to go first. She knew he was the leader of the family but did she suspect that he would vote her way and not mine. It would all be over with Carlisle's vote, so I interrupted, "Just a minute."

Bella glared at me through narrowed eyes trying to look fierce. I raised my eyebrows at her and gave her hand a squeeze under the table. "I have something to add before we vote." Bella sighed heavily. She couldn't possibly have thought I would let her be the only with an opinion.

"About the danger Bella is referring to, I don't think we need to be overly anxious." I placed my free hand on the table and leaned forward to emphasize my point. "You see there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in."

"Which was?" Alice wasn't pleased that I was stealing Bella's thunder but I wasn't going to let this go. She didn't need to be changed to be safe, for us to be safe.

"The Volutri are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I looked at Bella to make sure she was following. She shuddered at hearing his name. She remembered.

"He finds people- that's his talent, why they keep him. Now the whole time we were with any of them I was picking there brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker- a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do or what Aro does. He catches the…flavor? I don't know how to describe it…the tenor of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances. But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I shrugged; it was simple really: he couldn't find Bella.

"You think he won't be able to find me." Bella's tone was unimpressed to say the least.

Smugly, I replied, "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?"

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless." I was definitely enjoying this. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

I exchanged a glance with Emmett. _I like it little bro._

"But they can still find you!" Bella was not happy about this at all.

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett was thoroughly impressed with my ingenious plan. "Excellent plan, my brother." I reached my fist across the table and bumped it with Emmett's.

"No," Rosalie hissed after Emmett.

"Absolutely not." Bella and Rosalie agreed on something. The girls were unimpressed with my plan.

"Nice," Jasper appreciated my tactical plot. He would enjoy a good strategic battle after his years in the army. _I remember the battle at Musfreesboro. It was bloody for the Union, lots of lives lost. The key was that we used a diversion. We managed to over run them in a matter of one day. They had to divert troops and lost there stronghold on Chattanooga. Ahh, the good old days. This could work, Edward, we just need a plan. _

"Idiots," Alice was with the rest of the girls on this one. _Edward, do you not remember what we went through in Volterra? Do you really want the others to go through that? Do you want them all to experience Jane's torture? They would send Jane and she would be more than happy to do her job. Edward, think about the big picture and not just your beliefs. _

_Edward how can you think is a good plan. What if something happened to you or one of the others? How would Bella feel then; all because you're being stubborn."_ Esme glared at me as her thoughts broke through all others. I knew I caused her pain in my absence. I also knew losing any of us would destroy. Everything was my fault but I just couldn't bring myself to make it right.

"All right, then." Bella was taking back control. Nothing would deter her from her plan. "Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider," she was still so very unimpressed with my brilliant plan. "Let's vote."

She turned to me first. "Do you want me to join your family?" She _already was_ my family; she was my life, the reason for my existence. But I couldn't take her soul. I wish I could make her understand.

"Not that way. You're staying human."

Bella nodded and moved on; she wasn't surprised by my vote nor was anyone else. I focused intently on everyone else's thoughts. I already knew Alice's vote.

"Alice?"

"Yes."

"Jasper?" Bella moved on.

Jasper's thoughts caught me off guard. _It's for the best Edward. I'm sorry but I have to vote yes, for her safety and ours._ "Yes." Bella was as surprised by his answer as was I. My family was disobeying my wishes one by one. It didn't matter it was still my choice. Unless, no he wouldn't he understood how I felt.

"Rosalie?"

_I'll vote no. I wish this existence upon no one._ "No." Rosalie was not thinking of herself completely when she voted nor was she thinking about me. She was only thinking about Bella. She wanted Bella to have a life, a human life and this surprised me. Bella went to move on but Rosalie felt she needed to explain.

"Let me explain," she threw her hands up and pleaded. "I don't mean I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote for me." She was being sincere; her thoughts did not betray her.

Bella nodded and turned to Emmett.

"Hell yes!" He beamed. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." _Edward you know this is what you want. You can be with her forever, have an angel all your own. Please understand little bro, I want what's best for both of you._

Next was Esme and I already knew her answer before she thought it. Of course she wanted Bella in the family, she wanted me to be happy, and it was a proven fact that Bella was the only thing that could make me happy.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of the family."

"Thank you, Esme." Bella was pleased to already be considered one of Esme's children. Last was Carlisle. I was nervous. Maybe having Carlisle go last was not a prudent idea. The others votes could influence Carlisle's opinion. If Rosalie and I were the only ones not in agreement about Bella, Carlisle may be persuaded. Rosalie's reasons were understandable but not good enough to convince Carlisle that voting no was the best choice. My reasons were different, and he understood them but they might not be enough anymore. He had been so careful not to reveal any thoughts of his own on the matter. He couldn't possibly say yes. He knew that his vote would overrule mine and all my feelings toward this matter. He wouldn't do that to me. He understood.

Bella turned towards Carlisle but he was looking at me.

"Edward." _You must understand this has put us all in danger. She has to be changed. It is best for everyone involved. I know your feelings but you have put the family in danger. We can not fight the Volturi and they will come looking for her. It is too dangerous for her to stay human. Edward you don't understand the pain everyone went through while you gone. Esme never smiled and worried about you all the time. I can't allow that to happen to this family again. I can't allow you to run off again and wallow if something separated you two or worse if something happened to her. You would go back to the Volturi because she is your life. Do you have any idea what you put Esme through when she thought you were going to die and how hard that was for me to watch. Picture Bella loosing one the most precious things to her in the in this world. I watched Esme live through that for the second time in her life, Edward. Everyone was changed in your absence and in Bella's. Losing either one of you is not an option. This is the only way. _

"No," I said though clenched teeth. My jaw strained tightly and my lips curled back from my teeth.How could he betray my wishes? A low growl built in my chest. Just the mention of the pain I had put the others through caused me pain. I can only imagine what Esme went through. I hated knowing I caused her pain but my pain my consumed all the rationale thoughts I had. And Carlisle was right; I would go back if something happened to Bella.

"It's the only way that makes sense." Carlisle continued to explain his answer. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that leaves me no choice."

No choice, NO CHOICE! I can't believe he felt this was just his choice. I felt completely betrayed by Carlisle, the only father I've known for the last century. What father would wish this upon his child? He couldn't do it, he just couldn't. The anger inside me grew and I realized I might hurt Bella's hand if I squeezed it in during my rage. I dropped Bella's hand and shoved away from the table. As I stalked off to the living room I cursed under my breath. I paced the living room floor. How could he vote against me? He knew my wishes. He knew his vote would over rule mine. Still he voted yes. Bella would be a vampire. It was out of my hands now. A low, deep growl built in my chest, as I thought about Bella being changed some part of me was comforted. Relieved. I had struggled with this conflicted feeling for some time now. I was angry at myself for even having the smallest want to change her. I grabbed the closest thing to me and destroyed it. The brand new plasma TV lay broken in half in a pile on the floor.


	13. Chapter 13

**Ok so this is the next to last chapter, I think. I hope you all like it. Please review. And as always thank you to all who have reviewed in the past.**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, plot and setting are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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I stood looking at the crumpled TV. My breathing was ragged and shallow. I had to control myself. There would be a way around this. I understood that Carlisle was doing what he thought was right, but it didn't have to be now. Just as I started to calm down I caught Bella's voice from the other room.

"Well, Alice, where did you want to do this?" Absolutely not!

"No! No! NO!" I roared as I re-entered the dining room. I moved directly in front of Bella. Staring down into her beautiful face, rage and tension filled my being completely. "Are you insane?" I shouted louder than I had meant too, but perhaps she would hear me better. "Have you utterly lost your mind?" Bella cringed away from me, trying to block the shouting from reaching her ears.

_Edward, I'm sorry I didn't mean I would actually change her. Seriously, it was just to help her get through the plane ride. _Alice was repentant for her role in this catastrophe. The reality was they never would have been on the plane if it weren't for me. My actions again, had more severe consequences than I had ever imagined.

"Um, Bella," Alice's voice was tiny and anxious. "I don't think I am ready for that. I'll need to prepare…."

"You promised," Bella said accusingly, trying to peak around me at Alice.

"I know, but… Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how _not_ to kill you." _I didn't mean for it to turn out this way. I'm really sorry. It is for the best though, Edward. _

""You can do it," Bella cheered Alice on so she would take her soul. I couldn't believe what was happening. "I trust you." A primitive, furious snarl escaped me. This wasn't happening. Not only had they voted against me now they were deciding on whether to change her right here and now.

_I won't do it I promise. I don't think I could do it without harming her and I would never put her in danger._

Once Bella realized she wasn't going to get what she wanted from Alice she changed gears.

"Carlisle?" NO! How could she want this so badly? Before Bella could look at Carlisle I grabbed her face gently in one hand and forced her to look at me. I wanted her to see me for everything that I was. I wanted her to know how much I loved her even though I was a monster. I quickly outstretched my other hand at Carlisle, shoving my palm in his face. I was being an insolent child but I couldn't let him do it.

_Edward, she has to be changed. You know that I can do it. I think that both you and Bella would prefer if you did. It would mean more and I know you are capable of doing it without killing her and you know it too. You think you are stealing her soul but we both know you can't live without her and in order for that to happen she has to be changed_. I tried to ignore the things he was saying. Part of me agreed with all of it. The selfish part of me did want her all to myself and could change her. The other part, the part that Bella had awakened in me couldn't bear to think of taking anything from her, especially her soul. I was conflicted, not that I would actually admit that to any of them.

Carlisle ignored my hand in his face, "I'm able to do it. You would be in no danger of me losing control." He was pushing me into making a decision I wasn't ready to make. To have Carlisle oppose me so openly, on such an important issue hurt me. I knew why he was doing this. He knew deep down that this _was_ what I wanted but I would never take it for myself. I couldn't justify stealing Bella's soul to fill my own needs and wants.

"Sounds good," Bella tried to speak but my hand held her face awkwardly making her words sound funny. My jaw clenched and I exhaled slowly through my nose. I could feel defeat and I didn't like it. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

"Hold on," I spoke through clenched teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," Bella responded angrily.

"I can think of a few." I replied nonchalantly.

"Of course you can," Bella replied sourly. "Now let go of me." I released Bella's face from my grasp and folded my arms across my chest. I had to make her see that it didn't have to happen right now. The possibility of being changed was still on the table just not right now. I had to have time to think.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police." Charlie would kill me, or at least try to, if woke he up and Bella wasn't in her room.

"All three of them," Bella replied sarcastically but she seemed to weaken in her stance.

"In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous_," I spoke through gritted teeth, trying desperately to control my anger, while speaking to Carlisle, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

_You are trying to postpone the inevitable. I'll give you until graduation to come to terms with this. _Carlisle wasn't giving in on this topic.

"That is a reasonable request, Bella." Carlisle was finally agreeing with me on something. I had a few months to make her see there was a way around this; she didn't have to be changed. If I were being realistic though, it was just time for me to come to terms with Bella being a vampire. Plans were set in motion now that I had no say in. Bella looked frustrated at this suggestion and pursed her lips in contemplation.

"I'll consider it."

My whole body relaxed with the knowledge that I had time. I had time with Bella and time to figure out what to do about changing her. _You want this_, Carlisle's words from earlier echoed in my head. The part of me that did want this was starting to over rule the part that didn't. I knew that I could change Bella. Carlisle had given me a choice then, leave the venom to change her or test my will drinking from her to remove the venom. I knew from the moment that I sucked the venom out that I was capable. The only choice Carlisle was giving me now was if I would do it or if he would.

"I should probably take you home," I was worried we had been gone to long. "Just in case Charlie gets up early."

Bella looked at Carlisle, "After graduation?"

"You have my word." _Remember Edward you still have the option of doing it yourself. You should talk with Bella and see what she wants._

Bella was pleased with Carlisle's response. She turned to me, her face beaming, "Okay. You can take me home now."

I walked Bella out the back of the house. I didn't want her to see what I had done. My anger had gotten the better of me and the TV had paid the price for it. I thought about what Carlisle had said. I could do it myself but a part of me was still very afraid. I didn't want Bella hate me for changing her. I didn't want her to regret it. We ran in silence to her house. The whole time I was thinking about a way to postpone the inevitable. There had to be something that would make her want to wait. I thought about what I wanted. Before she was changed there was one thing I absolutely wanted us to do. I wasn't sure how Bella would respond. I thought some more about it and before I knew it we were at Bella's house. I quickly ran up the wall and gently deposited Bella on her bed. I paced the room contemplating my current thoughts. It could work, she might agree. I could feel Bella watching me suspiciously.

"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work."

"Shh. I'm thinking." I continued to plan how to address this very delicate topic. I wanted this more than anything while she was human. It was important, to me, that she have as many human experiences as possible.

"Ugh," Bella wasn't pleased with me. She lay back on her bed and covered her face. I could not stand for that. I needed to see her. I slid into bed next and pulled the shroud away from her.

"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now…tell me something."

"What?" Bella asked with skepticism in her voice. She knew me well enough to I was planning something.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?" I didn't know what to expect for an answer, but I could hope.

Bella looked at me doubtfully, "You."

I smiled inwardly, but shook my head at her, "something you don't already have." Bella paused contemplating her next words. I waited patiently for her response.

"I would want…" she paused struggling to tell me what I already knew, "Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me." I thought about this. I could use this to buy some time. And to get what I wanted as well. Bella was what I wanted most and I wanted her to have ever human experience possible before she was changed.


	14. Chapter 14

This is the final chapter. I am very excited to be finished. I would like to thank everyoen for being patient I knwo this ahs been a long time coming. Sometimes life takes over.

Thanks, of course, to sillybella for her great beta and encouragement to finish this piece.

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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Bella wanted me to change her just like Carlisle had suspected. I could do it, I knew I could. Now that I knew what Bella wanted, I thought about what I wanted. The answer was simple. I wanted Bella to be my wife, to be mine in every way. Never before in my existence had I felt so strongly for anyone. I didn't always consciously know I had feelings for Bella, but from the beginning I had always wanted to protect her. That single instinct had grown into a love that was unparalleled. Bella looked surprised at my reaction. She had probably expected the same angry reaction I always had when talking about her soul. Things were different now, the choice was not my own. I was going to make the best of this situation no matter what. I looked deeply into her eyes calculating my next move.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?" As hard as it was, I stayed composed waiting patiently for her answer.

"Anything." The word was out of her mouth before she had even thought about what I was asking. A faint smile crossed my lips. She had inadvertently given me the upper hand, not that it would help much. Bella was stubborn, and she wanted this existence more than anything.

"Five years?" I knew she would never agree but when bargaining you always have to start higher than what you would settle for. Her face twisted in horrific shock. The age thing, it always went back to that. Even though I couldn't read her mind I knew that look. "You said anything," I reminded her gently.

"Yes, but…you'll use the time to find a way out of it," She said accusingly. "I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human - for me, at least. So, anything but _that._" I frowned. Danger, it followed her everywhere because of me. I had invited her into a world that wasn't safe. MY world was no place for a human, but I couldn't help myself; she called to me. She was everything I never knew I wanted.

"Three years?" I could try, but I knew she wouldn't buy that either.

"No!"

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?" I feigned shock at her rejection. I watched her closely. There was a flash in her eyes that told me just how much she wanted this. She contemplated her next move.

"Six months?" I rolled my eyes at her poor attempt. That time frame didn't put her much past graduation. I wanted her to experience so much more as a human.

"Not good enough."

She bit her bottom lip making her next decision carefully. "One year, then. That's my limit." She had given more than I ever thought she would. She really did want me to change her more than anything else. If I had a heart it would have leapt at the thought. But I had to try and push for more.

"At least give me two years."

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I," she said indignantly. A new thought had crossed my mind. There were things that I wanted more than Bella remaining human. I feared what she might say, that it would be too much, too soon. I was a creature who could not be destroyed by normal means, but without her I would shatter, become a shadow of what I really was. I decided it was worth facing my fear. She was worth everything I had in this existence.

"All right. Forget the time limits. If you want me to be the one- then you'll just have to meet one condition." I held my breath watching her delicate features for a response. She looked at me skeptically.

"Condition?" she asked flatly. "What condition?" I felt shaky and weak. Vampires were not supposed to feel that way. I inhaled deeply, steadying myself before I spoke.

"Marry me first." The words came slower than I had intended; nerves were definitely taking hold of my normally infallible façade.

She stared at me, somewhat in shock. I waited patiently for her response, my anxiety rising with each tick of her heart beat, which quickened at my proposal.

"Okay. What's the punch line?" I sighed and looked away from her. She really didn't believe me, or she didn't want to believe me. I wasn't completely sure which.

"You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it is a joke."

"Edward, please be serious." I stared at her. She really didn't think I was being serious. I was slightly wounded by her response.

"I am one hundred percent serious." I continued to stare at her, thinking about how to recover from what was now sure to happen. Bella would reject me and kick me out; after everything that had happened this was too much.

"Oh, c'mon," Bella sound slightly hysterical. Her heart raced faster. "I'm only eighteen."

"Well, I'm nearly one hundred and ten. It's time I settled down," I said laughing internally. In all my years no one had captured me the way Bella had. She looked out the window. She was definitely beginning to panic. Her heart raced, so easily giving her away.

"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Charlie and Renee." She was speaking rapidly, obviously nervous. I found it ironic that she had used the term kiss of death because that is exactly what it would be for her. If she married me I would change her. We could be together forever.

"Interesting choice of words."

"You know what I mean," she replied, frustrated.

I inhaled deeply trying to figure out if Bella was really rejecting me or if she was just scared. It was hard to tell. More than ever I wanted to be able to read her thoughts. She was willing to give her soul up for me but not willing to marry me. It was truly unbelievable. "Please don't tell me you're afraid of the commitment."

"That's not it exactly," Bella inhaled deeply trying to explain. "I'm…afraid of Renee. She has really intense opinions on getting married before your thirty."

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married." I laughed darkly. Bella never said what I thought she would. Becoming a vampire, she was all for it. Getting married scared her to death.

"You think you're joking."

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…." I shook my head. It was hard to believe that she was so willing to be with me forever as a vampire but not as my wife. I was a bit confused. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then-" Panic crossed her face.

"Well," she interrupted trying to think of something to regain the edge. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

I smile widely. She was lying, testing me to see if I were serious. "Sure, I'll get my car."

"Dammit." Bella muttered, not expecting me to call her bluff. "I'll give you eighteen months." Marriage must really terrify her if she was willing to give me that much time.

"No deal," I grinned. "I like _this_ condition."

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate," she said indignantly.

"If that's what you really want." I shrugged indifferently at her attempt to force my hand. I smiled at her.

"You're impossible," she whined, "a monster." I laughed lightly, another interesting choice of words.

"Is that why you won't marry me?" I leaned toward her, taking in every inch of my beautiful Bella. "Please, Bella?" I knew I was dazzling her. It wasn't exactly playing fair, and she knew it. She stepped away from me and shook her head.

"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?"

"No! No rings!" Bella nearly shouted the words at me, and Charlie had heard her.

"Now you've done it," I whispered softly. Not that Charlie would ever catch me, but if he even suspected I was here things would be bad for Bella.

"Oops." Bella bit her lower lip.

"Charlie's getting up; I better leave." I sighed heavily. The last thing I wanted to do was leave Bella ever again. Bella's response was more than I could hope for. Her body told me she didn't want me to leave. The expression on her face was fear. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"No," Bella shook her head eagerly. "Stay. Please." I smiled at Bella and ducked into the closet. I thought about all that had transpired in the last day. Bella was so determined to be one of us, and I had finally started to resolve myself to the possibility. There was an inner struggle that still gripped me. Her soul was so precious it couldn't possibly be worth giving up for me. I felt torn.

I could hear Charlie's thoughts as he approached. This was going to be unpleasant for Bella. He was furious. As he entered the room I didn't focus on his words, his thoughts were much more interesting. He showed me things I had heard about but not seen this clearly. Bella curled up on the floor, unresponsive. Oddly the place where she laid was exactly where I had left her things hidden. Charlie thought about the time he had called Renee to help Bella. It was so hard for him, reaching out to Renee. She doubted Charlie's ability to take care of Bella, especially after Phoenix. Bella fought the move, and Charlie knew why: she hoped I would come back. He was grateful in his own way, but worried more than ever that I would return. After Renee left, Bella walked like a ghost through the house daily; she looked lifeless. These memories pained me. I couldn't believe the damage I had done. I meant to give Bella a new chance at life, but all I did was damage her.

Charlie's thoughts suddenly changed from despair and anger to hope. When I saw why I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Jacob Black. Charlie held out hope that Jacob would take her from me. He remembered Bella and Jacob holding hands and her smiling for the first time. He had so much hope for them. The flood of memories Charlie had of Bella and Jacob together ripped at my very being. Charlie's voice brought me back to the current conversation.

"_Were_ you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" He sounded frustrated and scared of the answer. I still wondered about this myself. Bella had said she was only cliff, diving but she was doing it to hear my voice. Something about it didn't seem right.

"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake." Jake, she said his name so casually. He definitely had a place in her heart; I could tell from her tone. This was going to be difficult. Bella didn't understand the danger the werewolves posed. They were volatile and had no control. I worried more about this new complication than I had before. Jacob was firmly implanted in this family, and I wasn't sure how that would resolve itself. I didn't see us being friends anytime soon. Bella's voice brought me back to the current situation.

"Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight-or I guess it's morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal." Charlie was fuming. He thought of many ways to handicap me and even a few ways of how to dispose of my body. It was going to take a long time before Charlie even came close to trusting me again. He left Bella's room stomping down the stairs and cursing me in his mind the whole time. I swiftly moved out of the closest and into the rocking chair.

"Sorry about that," Bella whispered, slightly embarrassed by Charlie's rage. I understood. He had every right to hate me.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I mumbled, more aware now of all the damage I had done. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please." I didn't want to be the reason for the downfall of their relationship, although that seemed more and more inevitable.

"Don't worry about it," Bella breathed heavily as she gathered her shower things. "I will start exactly as much as necessary, and no more than that." Bella widened her eyes in false alarm. "Or are you trying to tell me I have no where to go?"

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?" I was slightly shocked at Bella's willingness to move in with me.

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides, if Charlie kicks me out, then there is no reason for a graduation deadline, is there?"

I clenched my jaw at her words. She was so stubborn on this matter. "So eager for eternal damnation."

"You know you don't really believe that," she said smugly.

"Oh, don't I?" I replied furiously. This topic still didn't sit well with me.

"No, you don't," she sounded sure of this. I was beginning to wonder if she would read minds now. I went to speak, to refute her allegations, but she cut me off.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't- you said 'Amazing, Carlisle was right.'" She reminded me of that brief moment when I truly did believe that we were both dead and somehow, even without a soul, I could be with my angel. "There's hope in you after all." I sat there speechless, as she looked at me triumphantly. "So let's both just be hopeful, alright?" Bella suggested softly. Hope it was such a simple word yet it filled my being. "Not that is matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven." She was so beautiful, and she never ceased to amaze me. I rose slowly, even for a human; I stood in front of Bella and place my hands on either side of her face. The warmth of her face penetrated through my skin to my very being. I stared into her rich brown eyes, still slightly shocked by her statement. Bella had grown in the time we were apart, and I wanted nothing more that to be with her.

"Forever," I spoke the word softly, the shock still resonating with me.

"That's all I'm asking for," she replied happily, stretching up on her toe to kiss me. This was my heaven. I wouldn't need anything more as long as I had her. The past mistakes faded from my mind replaced with thoughts of a beautiful future.


End file.
